The fading of the stars

Taira stared out of her window, admiring the dark sky. The small white cloud that drifted by was shining thanks to the full moon that was close by. The light that came from the stars was glowing faint… and every night she discovered a few more that were not there. Would the day come when there was no star left? She couldn’t even give an answer to that, and once again, it was not her who was solving this.

That morning, they had said goodbye to Hikary and Ivy. It had never been the plan that Ivy would accompany Hikary until the day before, when even Hikary began to wonder if she could manage it alone. Not that she would not be able to make the journey, or find the spring of the river, but what if she needed help to actually get the stone, assuming it was there? She would hardly be able to go to a village and get help, for there were none. Therefore, at the last minute, Ivy had decided to join Hikary.

While looking at the dark sky, Taira wished she had been able to come along. She had wanted to do something, too… Was she not the heir? Then why did the hardest task of all fall on her sister, and not on her? Her sister, Taira knew very well, was born to be there for her, to help and support her. But how could Hikary support her when she felt she was doing too little herself?

She stepped away from the window, and overlooked her large bedroom. It had become truly beautiful, the new palace. Only two days ago had they all moved here, after a short official ceremony. Taira had to admit that no matter how beautiful it was, it still did not feel like home yet. For the past three years, the other castle had been her home… the first and only home she had ever had. It would not be easily replaced.

She walked through her spacious bedroom towards the beautiful green door that had been carefully decorated. In the wood they had carved flowers and leaves, each curling and twisting so they covered the entire door. Taira had no other words for it than that it was beautifully done. Through the entire castle there were details like this, and it was nice to discover some new ones every day.

She walked through the bare hallway towards the nursery. The walls were empty and she was too aware of her own footsteps. They needed to move the paintings soon, Taira decided, and buy more decorations. She reached the nursery, but the door was closed. Her daughter was probably asleep now… Still, Taira had to visit her. She opened the door as silent as she could, and entered the room.

The lights were all turned off, so that probably meant her daughter was sleeping. She lit one of the lamps in the corner, and a faint light embraced the room. The crib, with its light pink curtains, stood in the middle of the room against the wall. On one side, there was a big closet for diapers and other baby stuff, and on the other side there was a chair, a small table and a changing table. All were light pink, for there would never be a boy sleeping in this room anyway…

She walked to the crib, trying not to make a sound for she did not want to wake Frika up. Her baby was indeed silently sleeping, her breathing hardly audible and her eyes closed. Her orange mane had grown quite a bit in the past three weeks. She was a beautiful baby girl… perfectly healthy and in possession of strong royal powers. Then why could she not love this child?

For three weeks, all Taira had tried to do was to grow love this child like she loved Ruki. But she could not force love upon herself. She would always take good care of this little child, and make sure she had all she wished for, but… She is not my Ruki. That kept roaming through her head like a fly that would not leave her alone but which she could not squish either. And even if she asked herself, so what if she is not my Ruki? There was no answer.

Ruki… after more than three years of hopelessly looking for any sign, of sending messages to every single village and city in this country, of asking help of all the queens, there was still no sign of her girl. There wasn’t even anyone who had seen her. She had completely vanished from this world. Sometimes Taira was afraid she would never see her daughter again…

After looking at the sleeping girl for a while, she decided to leave her be for now. There was nothing she could do here, apart from accidentally waking Frika up, and that was something she wished to avoid. She turned the light off, and left the room, closing the door behind her.  What am I going to do now? Taira wondered. She did not feel like going back to her room alone, and she was not tired enough yet to go sleep. Usually she would hang out with her sisters, but none of them were home now… Fleur took care of Ivy’s business until she was back in the old castle, and Stelline and her kids were also there, helping Fleur.

That left only the, quite large, amount of servants and her mother, but her mother was probably busy… and, well, she didn’t know any of the servants except for Tsuyo.  With a castle this big they had been forced to hire more, who now lived in the castle too, but it took some getting used to, especially when it concerned Frika. Only this morning she had walked in to see a complete stranger taking care of her… at least that had stirred a reaction in her.

And she wasn’t allowed to work yet, either. Her mother had been quite strict in that… For four weeks after the birth, she was not to touch any work and only focus on resting and bonding with Frika. But she wanted to. She wanted to make herself useful, do something for the ponies that looked at them for advice. She still had to… make up for the pain she had caused to so many of them.

The black sky was floating above them, like a reminder for why they were actually on this journey. Because there were so little stars left these days, they had been forced to light a fire. Not that it was dangerous. The ground was moist and there wasn’t exactly a forest close by. Of course, they could have taken the trade route and slept in an inn. But Hikary had decided against it. There days, there were way too many curious ponies who had also noticed something was amiss in the sky. And they knew who they were, Hikary had realized. The princesses of the Friendship lands could no longer travel anonymously. That was one of the bad sides of their country becoming more known in this world, Hikary thought as she put another piece of wood on the fire.

“It’s quite cold tonight.” Ivy commented while she wrapped herself in her blanket.
“It is.” Hikary agreed. Even the fire did little to warm her. If only it was morning; the walking at least kept her moderately warm.
“You really think it is there, then? The third stone?” Ivy asked.
Hikary looked at her little sister, amazed that she had decided to come along on this journey while she apparently doubted whether the stone was there or not.
“I think so. I hope so.” Hikary answered, realizing she wasn’t completely sure herself. “Either way, we cannot ignore this.”

The third stone… based on the stories she had heard from her mother and Stelline, the river Fiume was a special river. A river that could purify the lands even if it was polluted, a river that made everything grow, a river that was crystal clear no matter what… some special magic must be behind that all. Of course, she could be dead wrong, and it would turn out to be not a stone but something completely different. But time was running out… and she had to grab onto any lead they might have. Almost four years had passed since she had found the first stone and received the message… This left only two years until the day of the daylight star. And there were still two stones left… and they had no idea where to find them. Hikary told herself not to let despair get hold of her, and focus on her current task.

“You think Taira will be okay?” Ivy asked her, looking for a change of subject.
“Yes… I think she will. She was doing much better the past few days, and she visits Frika frequently. She will be fine… though she needs more rest, even though she doesn’t want to rest any more herself. She just wants to get out there and work. That woman is so eager to prove herself all the time…”

Hikary remembered the discussion she had had with her mother only the night before. She herself was worried about her sister, and she had wanted to be sure Taira would be fine without her around, so she could go on the journey without having to worry all the time. Of course, they had gotten to the discussion about Taira’s current state. She was doing okay, according to Regina, but not great. Even though Taira had recovered from the shock, her heart was still closed for Frika.

“Is there any way for her to open it?” Hikary had asked, and Regina had, for a few moments, just stared out of the window.
“I don’t know… You know, Hikary… Yesterday I have been thinking, and Taira has, just like me… lost a child. And, unlike me, she has no idea how her child is doing right now. Has she died? Is she out there? Is she happy, is she unhappy? Those questions must wander her mind every single day, driving her to utter despair.

If you consider that, is it that strange that Taira can not manage to love her newborn? The despair, the fear of losing… are keeping her from loving this child, for Taira knows very well that if she should ever lose another one she loves, she will not be able to manage. Therefore, I think, she has unconsciously closed off her heart from the girl, to prevent herself from going through all that pain once more.”

Yes… her mother had made a very good point there, but Hikary did not like the conclusion that could be drawn from it. Did it mean that if they never found Ruki, Taira would never be able to love Frika? Did her love of Frika depend on whether they could find Ruki or not? That was just… unfair. Frika was independent from Ruki, and the love that her mother felt should not depend on her sister. But maybe, Hikary hoped, Taira would be able to open her heart even without Ruki. Maybe…

“I think I’m going to sleep, Hikary… it’s been a long day and we got an even longer day ahead of us tomorrow.” Ivy said.
“Yes… I will go sleep soon, too. If it remains this cold maybe we should go look for an inn tomorrow night.”
“That would be nice.”
In the light of the small fire, Hikary could see her sister smile faintly. Ivy lay down and pulled the blanket over her body. A few minutes later, Hikary could hear her steady breathing. Ivy had fallen asleep quickly.

Looking at her younger sister sleep, Hikary realized this would be Ivy’s first visit to the old lands since… well, since she had fled it as a small baby. Hikary did not think they actually had to get in far, as the river originated in the mountains. Still, how would her sister react when she saw the darkness and the destruction that still reigned in those mountains? She hoped it was not a mistake to take Ivy along. But Ivy was a strong girl… she would be able to handle it.

They would go to the river first, and then, after resupplying in the village Aline apparently grew up, they would follow the river and climb the mountains there. That way, they did not have to bring unnecessary supplies along, and they could rest up in the village before going into the wild. In a few weeks from now… they would be there, at the source of the river, and Hikary hardly had any patience to find out what was there.