What happened in our past

“Good morning, little one.” Twinkle Star said when she felt her baby kicking inside her.
Apparently her baby did not agree with her morning walk through the forest. She had grown so much… only a few months now, and her little girl would be born. Kiyoi was so excited, he could barely sit still. He had already begun on making a cradle for their baby and he and Câlin were already actively decorating the baby’s new room. It had been a bit difficult as Kiyoi’s little house only had two rooms, but they had managed to break the wall between the two rooms and make three out of them. The rooms were small now, but cozy. Câlin’s room was already done, of course, and she really loved it. Kiyoi had surprised her by painting all sorts of flowers and trees on the walls. When she had first discovered it she had hugged Kiyoi for ten minutes only to lock herself up in her room for a day to stare at them.

Her baby had not only grown in size, but also in spirit. She was growing strong, and Twinkle Star was aware of her emotions. Her girl was annoyed, now, for she did not like the movement. She had wanted to lie still for a little longer. She had never known babies already had such active emotions in their mother’s bellies. Câlin often commented on how outspoken the girl was in her actions and emotions. The emotions were so basic, but Twinkle Star could clearly feel them. What was it about this girl that made her and Câlin so aware of her? Kiyoi did not feel it, but Twinkle Star had not felt it with her pregnant sister Stelline, either.

Only a few months… spring was already here. Twinkle Star often wondered if she should write her mother and family a letter telling them about her pregnancy, but she had yet been unable to decide whether this was a good idea or not. She did want her mother to know about her baby, but she did not even know if her letter would reach her mother. And her mother would most likely not come down here to visit, and she couldn’t visit the Friendship Lands, either… so maybe it was better that her mother did not know about a grandchild she would never be able to see. It would probably only be painful, after all…

She did wonder how her mother and sisters were doing, though. How would Taira do? Did she fit in, was she able to overcome the darkness that had held her for so long? Or did the ponies of the country not accept her for all the pain she had caused while under Aras’ grasp? And how about her younger sisters, and her mother, and not to forget, Aline? Was Aline able to overcome everything she had lost? The more and more time she spend with Kiyoi and her two children, the harder she found it to imagine how Aline was able to live with her loss. If she would ever lose Kiyoi or Câlin or her unborn girl… Twinkle Star shivered, deciding not to dwell on such horrible thoughts.

Câlin and Kiyoi were still asleep, and it was still dark outside. Kiyoi wasn’t happy with her early morning walks, but it was the only time of the day she could escape from Kiyoi and Câlin. Not that she did not want to be with them, but they were constantly around wondering if all was okay with her. She did not have a moment to herself apart from early in the morning as both Câlin and Kiyoi had trouble getting up early. Because of that, she had begun to enjoy the silence of the morning when everything was still asleep and she had time to let her thoughts flow on the morning mists.

Right now though, her baby kept her away from her thoughts by moving around inside her a lot. “You’re an active one, aren’t you? Daddy and your sister won’t like it if you’ll be this active in the morning after you’re born, you know.” As a response her baby gave another kick in her belly making Twinkle Star feel like she had to pee. Ah, the blessings of pregnancy… On the one hand, she wished it would last forever but on the other hand, she could not wait until she could hold her baby. What would she look like? And what should she call her? She and Kiyoi had not discussed it yet, but Twinkle Star had a few ideas. Well, she would make sure her girl would have a beautiful name. She deserved it… a name that would be worth remembering.

“Do you remember when we first met, Fjaril?” Taira asked, while he held her as they lay down in bed.
“Of course I do… I remember when I first saw you floating on the water in the little boat with your entire luggage. I was instantly enchanted by your beautiful hair and your dazzling eyes. The feeling I had back then made you able to enter the island. I remember my mother was pretty angry.” Fjaril replied.

Taira smiled. “Yes… I remember she looked pretty angry when I introduced myself. Back then I did not know I should not have been able to enter the island, so I was pretty scared.”
“I did like you instantly though. You were like magic to me… something I desired so much but which I did not know how to approach.”
“I know. I liked you too... I felt so safe and good around you. I never thought I could feel about someone that way. I had never experienced something like that… It was a whole new experience for me.” Taira whispered while she pulled Fjaril closer to her.

Earlier, she had told Fjaril everything that had happened to her after she had left this place to go back to Aras. She had told him about her return to Aras, the years she had spend in darkness under his rule, doing things she would regret for the rest of her life, the fight against the Friendship Lands, her defeat of Aras, her revelation of who her real mother was, her new but awkward position as heir of the throne, and at last her returning memories of Fjaril and her daughter, Ruki.

She had told him that she remembered about sending Ruki away, when her girl had finally managed to find her.
“It was the best thing you could have done,” Fjaril had answered. "What if you had realized who she truly was to you, so close to Aras? He would have known instantly if you had acknowledged her as your daughter. Even if you had not, he would have probably known if she had gotten closer to him. Who knows what he would have done to her if he had gotten hold of her? You saved her, and I think that deep down that is what you intended to do. You send her away so she could live. Now, when we find her, you can explain. Ruki will understand, I am sure.”

Taira hoped so, but Fjarils’ assuring words could not take away her doubt and pain. Her girl, out there, all alone, without any hope of ever finding her mother again… Without any purpose. And she had not returned home, either. Why hadn’t she? Why had Ruki not returned home after she had told her to go away? Had she been so ashamed, or had she been afraid of her father’s anger? She could have gone home, she should have known that. Yet she had not. Not even Fjaril had had an explanation for that.

“Do you remember our first kiss, down at the pond when I showed you the holy stone?” Fjaril asked, awakening her from her thoughts.
“Yes… it was so magical. I never thought such a magical thing would happen to me. I thought I was destined for darkness, and that my running away was such a futile thing I often wondered why I did it anyway. But then I found you, and I realized my life did not have to be that way. Yet I always remained afraid… I was so sure they would come for me. Aras would not rest until he found me again.”

“I know you were afraid my love. Even before you told me, I knew something was deeply bothering you. You always were so far away with your thoughts, and sometimes I felt I could hardly reach you at all. Only after Ruki was born did I sometimes get the feeling you were truly here, without being on your guard.” Fjaril said while he held her closely.
“I know what you mean,” Taira said smiling, remembering the first few weeks after her daughter had been born. “I thought I lived in heaven every time I saw my little golden child. She was the one thing… the only thing that could make me forget about the darkness.”

“Do you remember the day she first smiled?” Taira asked after a moment of silence.
“Yes, I do.” Fjaril answered.
“It was because of Sindo,” Taira continued, “who flew above her cradle for a while with those bright colored wings of his. She kept staring at them, and then at some point a small smile appeared on her little face. It was so adorable… I could have remained in that moment and kept looking at it forever.”

A short silence fell over the room as Taira remembered her daughter’s smiling face. If only could have been there to see it developing into the smile of a child, and that of a small woman. But she had missed all of those things. She had never seen her daughter growing up. She had not heard her first words, she had not been able to teach her all the important things, and she had never seen her daughter exploring the world. And now it was too late for everything.

“Taira… you will leave again, won’t you?” Fjaril suddenly asked. Taira stared at him.
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“Well… when I saw you today, I was so sure you had come back to me, so sure that you would stay here with me like you had promised the day you left. But after everything you told me… You were born to be a queen, Taira. It is a fate you cannot, and I know you will not, run from. You will have to go back to your country, and one day reign there after your mother steps down. You will not stay here.”

Fjaril’s voice was sad as he spoke his words slowly. They saddened Taira, because she knew they were true.
“Yes… I have to go back. I can stay here for a while, but one day, I have to go back. I have a job to do there… I pained those ponies, my family… I hurt them while under Aras’ control. I will make everything right there. I have to. But I don’t know if I can do it alone…” Taira whispered.

“I know. But I cannot leave, Taira. You know I can’t. If I leave this island for too long the barriers will fade and it will be unprotected. The king will most certainly realize he can finally use the prada of this island, and he will drain it like he has done with everything else. I cannot leave. I have to protect this island. I have a job to do for which I was born, just like you.”
Taira sighed, tears stinging in her eyes. She had expected this answer. She would have been so angry if it would have been something else, for she would never accept someone to sacrifice this ancient place just for her. But yet, she was still sad. She loved Fjaril. She would never love someone else. And now their fates made sure they would never be together the way they should.

“I guess we know now why we got a daughter instead of a son.” Fjaril said.
Taira stared at him, not really understanding what he meant.
“I mean, your powers… I think after all, a girl was needed in your family more than a boy was in mine. Maybe after all… it is more important that your family has an heir than mine. It makes me wonder… If something is more important than preserving the last place on the continent where the ancient butterflies can still survive, what is it your family still has to do?”