Taira’s memory

Her cloak tightly wrapped around her body, Taira stepped out into the snow. Winter had fallen deeply. The shortest day was already upon them. The snow had covered all the misery of the past year now. But just because they could not see it didn’t mean it wasn’t there, something Taira knew only too well. She closed the castle door and stepped into the empty garden. Would she stay here, or would she have a longer walk through the fields? She decided on the latter.

Her mother, the queen Regina, had decided it was a good idea that Taira would see more of the kingdom. Well, indeed this was a fine idea considering she would probably be queen one day, but Regina seemed to have forgotten that most ponies did not yet completely trust her. Rumours had spread about her, of course, and even though nobody doubted the queen’s judgement, they were still reluctant to see her as the queen’s true heir.

Except, of course, those that had witnessed her birth and had been sealed. Now that Aras was gone they remembered, too, the joy they had felt when her birth had been announced. She was a daughter of the friendship lands just like them, but even they wondered if her years under Aras’ rule had influenced her. Well, of course it had… but not in a way that she still approved of his ways.

Taira decided to walk along the official path. She usually didn’t do this but the snow wasn’t as deep on the path as it was walked upon several times a day. She didn’t know where she was going yet. Just another walk… to have some time on her own, without all her new family members and friends. Even though it had been over fifty days since she had moved in here, she still didn’t feel at home quite yet. Of course it took time, but when she saw the others enjoying themselves, laughing… she could not help but feel a bit jealous.

Maybe it was a good thing that her sister was gone for the moment. This way she was forced to spend time with the others. But then again, she missed her sister deeply. After all, if something bothered her, a scent, a sound… only Rain could relate to that. The others, they were definitely trying to understand, but they just couldn’t, and nobody could blame them. In fact, they should feel blessed that they did not understand. But that did not make her feel less lonely.

Taira was surprised to find herself so far away from the castle already. She had been here before… the cemetery was close by. The place where the ponies that had died were resting… because she had not been able to safe them sooner. Would she ever get over that guilt? Not unless she could give it a place in her life and forgive herself… but she could not do that. Not now, while there were still so many out there that would not forgive her. Not now, while there were still so many black holes in her life.

As she walked past the cemetery she noticed through the trees that there was someone there, which was rather strange as it was reserved for members of the royal and steward families. Who could possibly go there? Besides, wasn’t it locked for anyone except members of those families? Her curiosity awakened, Taira decided to enter the cemetery herself. She walked past the trees to the entrance. The gate was indeed slightly open and she slipped inside.

She did not recognise the pony at first, because they hardly ever saw each other at the castle, but she soon realized it was the lady Aline who was standing by her husband’s grave. So young… Aline was definitely not much older than Ivy. And still she had already been through so much. Taira realized that everything she knew about Aline was because others had told her it was so.

“Hello, Aline.” She said softly when she reached the grave. It was all so pure white… while everything that was missed was hidden beneath.
“Oh, my lady…” Aline looked surprised that Taira was here.
Taira did not say anything more but stood next to Aline, looking at the gravestone of which Aline had removed the snow. Junai… Taira remembered him being murdered. She remembered how Aras had used the little girl… who was now banished because of Aline’s request.

“I came here to say goodbye… I will go to my own home tomorrow… To see my parents and all. I figured I should go. I guess I’m ready. I don’t want to linger at the castle any more… I’ll just be reminded of everything that is sad in my life. I have to move on… and become steward. Junai would want no less of me.” Aline whispered to the snow.
“I think it is best for you, Aline. Junai would want you to be happy… and mourning forever won’t do that. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? You’ve been through a lot. You deserve to take it easy for a while longer.” Taira comforted the girl, who was now staring at the little grave that had been made for her unborn child.

“Thank you, my lady… It’s just all so hard. I can’t stop thinking about them. I loved Junai so much, and my child also, even though it had not even been born. I can’t believe, I don’t want to believe that there will be a day when I will move on and forget about them.”
“Oh but Aline, you shouldn’t! Yes, there will be a day on which you will be able to go on, but not without them. They’re a part of your life and they always will be. They just need to find a safe place inside you so that you can live once more.” Taira said. She wondered where that wisdom came from. Had she once lost someone? The words she just said… it was as if someone had once told her this, too.

“No one ever said it that way… but it sounds so right, my lady. They will always be a part of my life. Nothing can ever change that.”
For a few moments they both stood motionless in the snow, while small snowflakes once again emerged from the sky. Heaven’s frozen teardrops… Almost invisible on Aline’s light yellow cloak. But those tears would always remain, no matter how well she would be able to hide them.

“May I ask why you are here, my lady?” Aline asked.
“Just… no reason, really. I was just walking around, enjoying the beautiful snow. I really like this country… I will grow to love it. Even though I’ve only been here such a short time…”
“It really dazzles you, doesn’t it?” Aline commented. “It did the same for me. When I first came here… I fell in love with it instantly. I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s because it’s so peaceful, or because it resembles the old lands… even though I don’t really remember them. Whatever it is… I would have liked to raise my child here.”

Aline hesitated for a moment. “You know… All my life I’ve been afraid of giving birth. I was always so scared that I might not be able to do it, or that it would hurt so much. But now all I can think of is how beautiful it would be. I mean, it would still hurt… but afterwards you would have the greatest gift you would ever get. Right?”
“Right. It does hurt, of course, but once you can hold your little girl… you forget about everything you’ve been through. It’s just so beautiful… the little hoofs, the closed eyes that are still a little afraid to open because the world is just too big.”

Aline blinked. “Oh, my lady, I didn’t knew you had a child… I am sorry.”
“I don’t have a…” Taira started to say, but she stopped because she knew Aline was right. She did have a child. As if a gate suddenly opened, her memories started to float back to her. The night she ran away from Aras… She had hoped she would never see him again. She had wanted to bring her sister but she was still under his spell, so she could not.

Her flight to the west… She had been so sure she would be safe there. The breach would protect her from his eyes. He would never cross it… or so she thought. She remembered the hot summer days when she crossed the breach. It had been so dry, so empty… And when she was finally allowed to cross the bridge… she found the world beyond was not as magical and beautiful as she once had hoped. The world was dry, barren, the ponies looked poor. She had thought her journey was for nothing, that her life would not be much better on the other side. The only thing keeping her from going back had been the memory of Aras.

Thankfully, her luck changed so very soon. She had no money and no food, so she was forced to find a job. She was hired as an escort of some goods that had to be transported to the country of Batafurai. It was easy enough, and it paid well. But when she arrived there, her entire image of the west instantly changed. Batafurai was a large island in the middle of an even larger lake. It was a closed country and not many were allowed to enter, but as she had done her job so well she was invited to see it.

The island… there were no words to describe what she saw there. Almost the entire island had been covered by large flowers in every possible color, trees with pink and yellow leaves, little streams of water filled with ducks and swans, and on an hill in the centre of the island stood a large mansion made of light pink stones. Taira remembered wondering why she did not see any ponies the entire way to the mansion, and even while she was there, she saw no one.

In the mansion she was asked to wait and half an hour later the pony that had hired her appeared once more, but almost everything had changed. He was wearing a small golden crown and a light, white cape. He introduced himself as the prince of Batafurai. Taira could not believe her eyes and ears as she saw the prince talking to a rather large butterfly. And what was more, the butterfly spoke to the prince as well. It turned out a special kind of butterfly lived there on the remote island, and apart from the prince and his family, no other ponies were allowed, as it was the realm of the butterflies. The prince was only allowed because he could protect them, should they need protection.

He introduced himself as prince Fjaril, and he revealed to her that the reason he had asked her to come on the island was that he had fallen in love with her. Love was a feeling unknown to Taira at that moment, but the longer she spend on the island with Fjaril, the more she began to understand what it meant. The butterflies, Fjaril and his parents, they were all so nice to her. Her life in the light… it was all so different from her life in the shadows. It reminded her of happier times when she had still been so very small, even though she could not even remember those days.

Slowly she fell in love with Fjaril, but she did not truly realize what love meant the night her daughter was born. Her beautiful golden child… She had loved her so dearly. Yet she did not dare to hope that her life would remain the same. She knew he was out there, looking for her, yet even she had not known that he would find her so soon. The morning she saw Rain on the island, she instantly knew it was over.

To protect her beloved child, she promised Rain she would come with her, if only she was allowed to say goodbye first, to her husband. She never told Rain about her child… and she was sure that even now, Rain did not know. His minions soon appeared, and Taira had been so frightened that she only quickly got to say goodbye to Fjaril, promising him she would return one day, explaining that leaving was the only way she could protect him, the butterflies, their daughter.

She went back with Rain, always thinking of her daughter… until she arrived and he instantly sealed her, not even looking at what she had been doing those two years. Which, in the end, saved her daughter from him. But she had forgotten, all those years, about her beautiful child… She had to be fourteen years old now.
“My lady? Are you all right? You are so pale…” Aline said. Yes… she was all right. She would be, now, for she knew where she had to go.

“Yes, I… just remembered something very important.” She replied, smiling. Her most important person…
 “Oh? May I ask what it was… my lady?” Aline asked, obviously unsure if it was her place to ask such a thing.
“Yes, of course you may… It is my daughter... I finally remembered about her. My beautiful golden child…” Taira replied, “Ruki… my daughter’s name is Ruki.”