Twinkle Star’s despair

The dark clouds were circling above the palace, as if concentrating only on that spot. Well, maybe they were. Twinkle Star wouldn’t even be surprised. She stared out of the window of the throne room, looking out over the gardens. So many of the crops had died because of the strange weather they had had that summer. The harvest of the farmers would be abysmal, too. She hoped it would be a soft winter or she wouldn’t know how they would live through it. Junai had already proposed to start trading for food in advance with the trade route locations, but her mother had been hesitant. She didn’t want others to think they couldn’t feed themselves any longer, but the problem was it was the honest truth.

Well, Junai was gone again anyway. Back to the new part, to help with the construction of Aline’s mansion. They wanted to go on as long as they could before winter would arrive. Life went on as it usually did for everyone now. They had all seemed to forget… Well, she could understand about the crown. It had been in their possession for only such a short time it was logical they didn’t miss it that badly. But Câlin… it seemed as if only Tsuyo cared for her now.

Her sisters had stopped asking if she had found any clue a few days ago and even her mother seemed to lose interest. Aline was still here at the castle and she knew it was because of her, but a weird distance seemed to slip into their friendship again. Aline was so absent all the time, and when she talked about Câlin she seemed not to be listening at all.

Twinkle Star would have gone out to look for Câlin but it was too dark now, and she was too tired to look well. She had just returned from a longer trip to look in other parts of the country, but to no avail. There was no sign of Câlin and no one had seen her ever since the day she had disappeared. She was making plans to look abroad now. She would rather leave sooner than later, but her mother had made a very good point when she had told her she had to rest first. She could easily miss vital clues being as tired as she is.

She silently slipped of the couch and walked out of the deserted throne room. She didn’t even know where her mother was now. Probably out on some completely unnecessary errand while her own niece was still missing. There was no one in the kitchen, either, so she decided to go to her room to see if she could rest for a bit. She probably couldn’t, she hadn’t slept properly ever since Câlin had disappeared. She climbed up the stairs and as she walked through the corridor upstairs she heard voices coming out of Ivy’s room, but she felt no urge whatsoever to go in and say hi. They all thought she was crazy anyway, for searching for so long.

But she wouldn’t give up. She couldn’t. She was responsible for the girl, she had promised Chifre that she would take care of her and she had failed. But she wouldn’t accept it. She wouldn’t accept the fact that Câlin was gone forever. She would come back to her. She would find her, even if it meant searching for the rest of her life. The thought of the little girl out there in the darkness made her shiver once again. And fall was coming so swiftly now…

“Twinkle Star!”
Twinkle Star Startled when she heard her best friend yell her name. She turned around and noticed Aline was just leaving Ivy’s room.
“Oh, Aline.” She said softly. She didn’t feel like talking with her friend now, but there was nowhere to go. “Can I walk with you for a while?” Aline asked, “Why don’t we go to the fields?”
“Yes… sure.” Twinkle Star replied. She didn’t really see what would be so great about the fields now with the dark clouds and everything, but she didn’t mind walking outside for a while.

“How are you feeling?” She asked as politely as she could manage.
“Oh, just fine, just fine. How about you?” Aline asked, and Twinkle Star replied that she was okay, just very tired and resting for her upcoming search.
“Well, it’s good that you’ve taken some time to rest. You’re going to need it.” Aline replied while they walked down the stairs again. They silently left the castle and walked through the gardens out into the yellowed fields. The grass had all died, Twinkle Star noticed. It wouldn’t be green anymore before winter comes.

“I heard Junai has gone back to the new part.”  Twinkle Star said while they walked deeper into the field.
“Yes, he has. He wants to work on the mansion some more. He hopes we can finish it early spring so next summer we can officially move in.”
“Well, that would be good, I guess. Then you two can finally start your life together. I have to admit though, I don’t really understand why you aren’t with him right now.”

Aline smiled. “Well, I want to help you. You’re my friend, and you’re in a difficult time right now. So I’m here for you.”
Twinkle Star walked on silently. Her friend’s reply suddenly bothered her. It just wasn’t right, it didn’t make sense. Aline didn’t sound convincing at all, plus she hadn’t helped her either. She hadn’t been out searching, she hardly left the castle, in fact, she wasn’t helping any of the others either.

“I… I’m sorry Aline, but I just don’t buy it.” She said, hoping she wouldn’t offend her friend too much.
“What?” Aline said surprised.
“I don’t know, Aline. I just know you too well, I guess, but I don’t believe anything you just said. You didn’t help me at all and you don’t sound convincing. I’m sure you want to help me, but for some reason…”
Aline sighed and shook her head. “No, no… It’s nothing. I’m sorry. There is, I mean, I can’t deceive you, right? But I can’t tell you. Not now.”
Aline sighed again and walked on, ignoring Twinkle Stars questioning stare.

“Why not? Come on, Aline. You know you can tell me everything. I know you want to help me, but I want to help you, too.” Twinkle Star said eagerly.
“No, Twinkle Star. I can’t. I’m afraid it would be too painful for you and I have to say you’re giving me the feeling you’re only want to help me to get your mind off things for a moment.”
“Would that really be such a bad reason?” Aline stared at Twinkle Star’s eyes and after a moment she sighed deeply.

“No, I guess not. All right, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.” Aline looked at Twinkle Star with her innocent eyes and for a moment Twinkle Star was reminded of the girl she had met in that weird village which seemed like an age ago now.
“I promise.” She smiled. Aline looked nervous somehow. She looked out over the valley and then back to Twinkle Star and again to the fields.
“I… I’m pregnant, Twinkle Star.”

“What?!” It was out before Twinkle Star had realized what Aline was actually saying.
“I know, I know! Please, don’t yell at me. I didn’t mean for it to happen, I guess my body just…”
“Oh, I’m not yelling, please don’t think that.” Twinkle Star interrupted.
“I’m just very surprised, that’s all.”
“So you’re not mad?” Aline said with a little voice.
“No, why should I?”
“Well, because it wasn’t planned this way, and it’s highly inconvenient, and with the twins around your family doesn’t need another child so close by and…”

“Oh, Aline, Aline.” Twinkle Star shook her head, but she couldn’t stop laughing.
“How do you even dare to think such things? I am sure everyone will be delighted to hear your news! I know you didn’t plan it this way but everything will be fine. I am sure my mother will love it, and don’t you dare to worry about the ponies in the country. It’ll just unite them even more.”

“Well, yes, maybe. But I was just so shocked to find out, I couldn’t imagine others not to be shocked, as well.”
“Well, I guess I can see that. So who else knows?” Twinkle Star asked.
 “No one.”
 “No one?! Not even Junai? Or your parents?” Twinkle Star said surprised. How could she not tell them first? Weren’t they the most important ponies in her life? But Aline shook her head.

“I was just too afraid to tell them… I was afraid my mother would be angry because she told me like two months ago that it was such a bad idea to have a child now, and Junai, well, I know he wouldn’t be upset or anything… He’d probably love it, but I’m still so nervous when I even think about telling him.” Aline confessed.
Twinkle Star could hardly understand. She had always been a bit jealous about their strong relationship. How could Aline be nervous about telling such wonderful news?

“Well, you should go to the new part and tell him, Aline. He’ll notice sooner or later anyway.”
“I know, I know. But I don’t want to go there anymore. I feel so horrible every morning and here in the castle everything is so comfortable I can drag myself through it, but I don’t know if I will be able to do so out there in that little cabin. Besides…” Aline paused for a moment and stopped walking.
“You’re leaving soon, right?”
“Yes…” Twinkle Star said while she stood still as well, “as soon as possible. As soon as I have recovered the strength to travel again. Why?”

“I… just want to be there when you leave. I wasn’t there last time and I regret it so much, Twinkle Star. I can’t come with you even though I’d love to, but I want to be there.”
Twinkle Star smiled. She was so glad to hear this, because deep inside, she wanted Aline to be there as well, even if it was only to make up for the last time.
“I’m glad to hear that, Aline. I want you to be there, too. But you should tell Junai. Why won’t you send anyone to bring him here?”

“Yes, I suppose I could do that. But who?” Aline asked.
They had begun to walk again and were now close to the big tree where Regina had told Twinkle Star and her sisters about their lost aunt, Reine, last year. It’s leaves were already turning yellow, Twinkle Star noticed. So, fall was coming soon now… She had to hurry. She couldn’t leave Câlin out there in the cold weather that was approaching so quickly now.

“Why don’t you ask Ivy? I’m sure she’d like a trip away from the castle and she hasn’t been to the new part in a while. Maybe she can take Fleur with her, too.” Twinkle Star proposed.
“Yes… I could do that. But what do I say?” Twinkle Star sighed.
“What about the truth? Ivy can be trusted, you know. She won’t tell anyone.”

 “Yes… I know. She won’t tell. She’s a great girl. I often think she’ll be a much better steward than I will ever be.”
“Now, that’s not true, Aline, and you know it. You’ll both be great in your own way.”
 “At least she wasn’t stupid enough to get pregnant before her house was even done yet.” Aline forced a smile on her face.

“Well, let’s stop talking about it like this, okay? It’s a good thing. Maybe it’s early, but who cares, you know you can give birth to your child here if your house isn’t done yet. Besides, it’s still many months before it will be born. Your house will probably be close to completion by then.” Twinkle Star lectured Aline.
“Yes. I know. I’m just being foolish.”
“That you are, Aline. That, you are.”

Twinkle Star and Aline both laughed while they walked back to the castle. It stood so prettily up on the hill, even in the darkness of the clouds hovering above it. They’d better get back soon, or it would start raining and it definitely wasn’t wise if Aline caught a cold now. They walked back in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Twinkle Star glanced at her friend and couldn’t suppress a smile. Silly little Aline.

But as they walked back to the castle Twinkle Star’s despairing feelings came floating back to her. Her little Câlin… lost out here somewhere. All alone… or was she? She still couldn’t think of any reason why Câlin would have left all on her own. Someone must have forced her… but who? Tears came back to her eyes once again, tears she wouldn’t allow herself to shed. She had to be strong now. And worrying about it like this wasn’t making her any stronger.

So once again she smiled at her best friend.
“I’m sure it’ll be wonderful, Aline. You will have a beautiful baby.”
“Yes… I know. And I will love it more than I’ve ever loved anyone. No, I already love it so much… I can’t even put this into words.”
Something Stelline had also said when she had held her children. Something Twinkle Star found so incredibly hard to imagine…
 “You’ll be a wonderful mother, Aline. So, have you thought about a name yet?”