Uneasy decisions

“How is she?” Marana asked when Twinkle Star entered the living room.
She saw Marana had made her a cup of hot chocolate, and Twinkle Star was grateful for that. She had been so worried about Câlin that she had had little time to think of herself that morning.
“She is doing better. She’s still so scared, but she won’t tell me why. But she’s asleep now.” She answered Marana while she gratefully accepted the hot chocolate.

They sat down at the kitchen table. Twinkle Star stared out of the small window, only to see it was still very cloudy and windy outside. Marana had already told her this would still go on for a while, but she had no intention to travel today. Câlin had to feel better, first.

Her eyes went from the window to the red crown that now sat silently on the small table near the sofas. Twinkle Star had touched it, too, but nothing happened as far as she could tell. Câlin had begged her not to touch it, but she wanted to see for herself what was going on. Yet, she could discover nothing special about it, except that she was even surer this was the one and only Queen’s Crown. When she touched it, she felt nothing but the strange texture of the crown that made her wonder what it was actually made off.

“I’m sorry, Twinkle Star…” Marana whispered.
“For what?”
“For… not trusting you in the first place. For, I don’t know what it was, but it scared Câlin…”
“You don’t have to feel sorry for that. If you had trusted me right away I would have thought less of you than I do now. You were told by my grandmother to protect the crown, and you did. If anything, I’m proud of you.” Marana did not reply, but Twinkle Star could see she was grateful for her words.

“What will you do now?” Marana asked. Twinkle Star was still unsure about this, so she was not able to reply immediately.
“I have to be honest with you, I don’t know. Of course, I am still on my way to the capital… I was going to meet queen Daryia and her family. It was them who invited me… or actually, my mother, but she couldn’t leave her country. Anyway. I think it is best if we go there as planned, and we come back here to pick up the crown… and you, if you want.”
“Me?” Marana asked surprised.

“Yes, why not? You’re family, right. You belong in the new Lands as much as any of us do. You can live the life you want there.” Yet Twinkle Star could already see her effort to convince Marana was futile. Twinkle Star couldn’t really grasp why, but Marana would stay here.
“You don’t want to go, right?” She therefore said.
“No… I’m sorry, Twinkle Star. I am relieved beyond words that you and your mother and sisters are alive. And I would love to go there, and meet all of you one day. However… This is my home. Maybe I never wanted it to be, but it is now… and I don’t want to leave another home behind.”

“Well… Just as long as you know, you’ll always be welcome. My mother would love to meet you again, Marana. Please promise me that you will visit her some day.”
“I will. I promise.” Marana smiled and drank the last bit of her hot chocolate. Twinkle Star did the same and then got off her chair to inspect her belongings. They weren’t completely dry, yet, but they would be fine when she departed.
“I’m planning on leaving tomorrow morning… If that is okay with you.” She asked while she walked back to the table.

“Oh, sure. That’s fine. Take as long as you need. I wouldn’t want you to rush Câlin into traveling when she’s not up for it.”
 “Thanks.” Twinkle Star said gratefully. She knew Marana would never say no to this request, now that she knew she was Regina’s daughter, but she was uncomfortable with it anyway. She did not want to abuse her family name like that. Besides, she liked Marana, and she would not want to stay unless Marana wanted it, too.

“In all these years… It must have been hard, to protect the crown.” Twinkle Star thought out loud. She only realized how loud she had been talking when Marana actually answered.
“No, not really… I mean, no one ever suspected anything. I kept the crown and my pendant hidden, I stayed away from the village and other ponies and I behaved as natural as possible so I would not draw any attention to myself. I don’t think anyone ever thought I had something of value, anyway.”

“That’s… amazing. To live like that… I don’t think I could’ve done it. All these years that I spend on my own, I was constantly traveling… I could never stay in one place very long. I don’t think I can, still. I feel best when I’m traveling. But I’m sure Medina would have been very proud of you, if she could see you now. You honored her wish in a way I’m sure she could not have even imagined.”
Twinkle Star could see her words had the effect she had hoped they would have. She knew she was probably right in thinking no one had ever said something like that to Marana, considering the secluded life she had lived so far.

“Thank you, Twinkle Star…” Marana whispered, and Twinkle Star smiled. She did not say anything more, and instead walked outside to catch a bit of fresh air. When she stared out over the sea she could see small parts of blue sky appear on the horizon. So the storm was really over, now… Yet, she wasn’t that anxious to leave, even without Câlin not feeling well. She did not know why, but she had stopped looking forward to meeting princess Lenna, the queen and all the others, as if nothing they could tell her could bring her any better news than the crown that would be waiting for her. But she had to go on. It was the reason why she had come here and she would do as asked of her. Besides, her mother had been queen for sixteen years without this crown; she would be able to last another two or three months without it.

Her thoughts traveled back to the little girl sleeping inside the house. Poor Câlin… Twinkle Star was still overwhelmed by the strength of her own feelings when Câlin was not well. Did she care for her so much? She hadn’t realized it, but her bond with Câlin had grown stronger than she could have imagined. When she had decided to take care of Câlin, now more than six months ago, she had never imagined she would one day care for the girl. But she did now, and it was a feeling she had never thought she would ever feel.

She stood there, standing in the wet sand and staring at the ocean for a while, until the first ray of the dun suddenly touched her face and awakened her from her thoughts. The blue spots in the grey blanket of clouds that had been on the horizon had already reached the beach and they made Twinkle Star wonder how long she had been standing there. She decided to go back into the house to check on Câlin. Marana, she noticed, was working on her equipment in the living room. Twinkle Star nodded to show she was back and then walked on to the bedroom. The room was bathing in a pink light created by the thin pink curtains that were trying to hold out the sun but were miserably failing.

The little pony was still sleeping in the large bed, what made her look even smaller. Her hair was covering her face and Twinkle Star noticed she was actually chewing on it in her sleep. Twinkle Star swept the hair out of Câlin’s face, but she could not get the lock Câlin was holding in her mouth. She couldn’t help but smile when Câlin’s little hoofs began to touch her to keep her away from the lock of hair, and she retreated her own hoof.

“Oh Câlin…” She whispered as she watched the girl sleep, “Why were you hurt? Why you and not me, Câlin? You shouldn’t have been…”
Once again Twinkle Star was surprised to feel tears in her eyes. She had wanted to avoid Câlin getting hurt, but there had been no way she could have stopped it. Still, it seemed unfair that Câlin should suffer where she did not. Yet she instantly regretted her talking when she saw she had woken up Câlin.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Câlin, please, go back to sleep.” She whispered, but Câlin shook her head and sat up straight in the bed.
 “It’s okay. I feel better now.” She said.
“That’s good to hear. Do you want anything? Food or something to drink?” Twinkle Star asked, and Câlin asked for some water. She quickly walked to the kitchen and poured some water in a large glass. When she got back, she noticed Câlin was brushing the lock she had held in her mouth when she had been sleeping.
“I know, I should not do that. Mommy used to tell me that, too, but… Sometimes, I can’t help it.”  She quickly apologized when she noticed Twinkle Star was staring at her.

“Don’t apologize, Câlin. It’s okay. You’ve been through something bad, you can chew your hair if you want. Just don’t make a habit out of it.” Twinkle Star reassured Câlin.
She gave Câlin the glass of water who drank it in one long swallow. When she was finished, she smiled gratefully when she handed Twinkle Star the empty glass.
“Listen, Câlin… About what happened before. I know it scared you, but… Can you remember anything that happened? Anything at all? If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine, too, but it’s important… If something happened to the crown, we must know before we bring it back to my mother.”

Câlin was silent for a while, staring at the blanket that covered the bed. At last, she spoke, but Twinkle Star sensed it was reluctantly. She didn’t want to relive it, and Twinkle Star felt bad about asking it of her.
“I felt… as if some part of me suddenly grew big. As if… I could not control it. It only left when I let go of the crown. I can’t really describe it, Twinkle Star. It was a part of me, but it wasn’t, either. I’m sorry if I can not be more helpful. It’s as if… the memory of that moment is locked away, sealed behind bars of which I don’t have the key.”

It was weird to hear Câlin say words like this. They seemed too old for someone her age, but Twinkle Star had heard enough. She got up and almost walked out of the room before answering Câlin.
“Câlin, please rest some more. Tomorrow, we will leave. I’m so sorry I can’t show you Madash, and I promise you I will show it to you as soon as I can. But we have to get back home and bring the crown to my mother. I hope you understand.”  
Câlin nodded gravely, as if she did understand but she preferred not to. Twinkle Star smiled and walked out of the room towards the living room.

She did not like to make this decision, but what Câlin had said alarmed her. Her memory was locked away… It just felt way too similar to Twinkle Star. The thought that whatever had entered Câlin’s mind when she touched the crown had actually sealed her mind simply did not leave anymore. But only Stelline could tell her the truth about this, and she did not feel like wasting time. The crown had to go home, and it had to get there fast.