Regrets

Small drops of rain began to hit the window through which Aline was observing the foundations of what soon would be her house. She could hardly believe it was going this fast. She remembered how long it took for a house to be built in the village where she grew up, a place that seemed galaxies away now… Of course, with the queen’s protection, it was a lot easier to build a house. Yet it would still take several months for them to finish it, and until then, she and Junai officially lived in the castle, even though she spend most of her days in this little cabin.

It wasn’t much, but it was impossible to keep traveling from the castle to the new area every day. She knew the ponies thought it was a shame that the steward should live in such a place and several had offered her they could live in one of their houses until her own was done, but Aline preferred it this way. At least here, she and Junai would have their privacy, and she would be close to the region she would govern. It was a beautiful valley, she had to admit; flowers were blooming everywhere, the trees were among the greenest she had ever seen and the little river that divided the valley in two completed the scene.

Apart from her mansion, some other houses were build here and there; ponies that were leaving their parents homes in the original part of the country and begun their lives all over again for themselves out here, not unlike she and Junai… although her parents would live with her in her mansion. Her parents were gone now, back to the village where she had grown up, to close their store officially and to say goodbye to some friends. While she looked at her pink hair in the large mirror, and decided it definitely wasn’t her color after all, Aline wondered who would be back first, her parents or Twinkle Star…

Twinkle Star… she had been gone for over a week now. After their fight… She just didn’t want to see her anymore, but she hadn’t really figured out that it would mean she wouldn’t see her again until the end of summer. Now she regretted it… not making up, not saying goodbye, the whole fight, even… While Aline played with some flowers that were standing on the glass table in a pink vase, she once again wondered why she had ever started it anyway. Why had she been so upset that Twinkle Star had decided to bring Câlin along?

“Oh, you know…” She said to herself while she got up and walked to the kitchen, where she poured herself a glass of berry juice. Of course she knew. She didn’t care that Câlin came along, but she just couldn’t stand that she couldn’t come, too. She had already had to stay behind last time, and now she couldn’t come, again. And she already felt like she and Twinkle Star were drifting apart more and more… ever since she had come back from her first Madash trip, everything had changed. She knew she had, she was bound to be, but Twinkle Star had, too. Now that she had Câlin to take care of… they both had responsibilities neither had when they first met.

Recently, Aline began to wonder if it ever would be like on their first travels, if they ever could be friends like that again. Or had they both changed too much? No, they couldn’t have, she thought when she sat down on the light brown couch that stood in the centre of the living room. When Twinkle Star would come back, she would make up with her, and they’d have plenty of time to spend together. She would make sure there would be.

“Hey, Aline.” A voice said, making Aline startle and almost spill her juice on the couch.
“Oh, Junai. You startled me; I didn’t hear the door.”
“That’s no surprise to me. You seemed miles and miles away.” Her husband (she still had to get used to that word) said while he approached her and kissed her softly on the cheek.
“Yes, well… I didn’t expect you to be back already.” Aline admitted honestly, while she stroked her hair.
“I know, but I was done sooner than I expected at the castle. So I decided to get back a little earlier, so I could spend some more time with you.”

“You’re really sweet.” She smiled at Junai, and then noticed the letter he was holding.
“What’s that?” She asked, pointing at the letter.
 “Oh, it’s… a letter from my brother.” Junai said softly
 “Your brother? But I thought you two…?”
“Yeah I know, I left my old home one day, leaving him to take care of our forest… I had just… I hoped to make up with him before our wedding. I invited him… but he never came, of course.” Aline was surprised. They had talked only briefly about Junai’s family and brother, and she was pretty sure that Junai had no desire to get in contact with them. Yet she had been clearly mistaken. What would Twinkle Star think of she heard this…?

“What does the letter say?” She asked, unable to hide her curiosity.
“I don’t know. I didn’t open it yet.” Junai admitted, while he put the letter on the table. Aline noticed some resistance in her husband, something she had hardly ever encountered before. He didn’t want to open the letter… was he afraid for what it might say?
“Why did you write him, Junai? What’s there to make up, you never told me you two were in a fight or anything.” She insisted.

“I know… I didn’t. It’s just, Kiyoi and I… after our parents passed away, we both wanted really different things. I wished to leave that place forever, to set out together, explore the world… while he insisted that we should remain there, because we owed it to our parents and the forest. I agreed with him at first, staying there… it wasn’t that bad. Until a girl appeared in Kiyoi’s life. He liked her so much, but she… she was in love with me. I was young back then, and I’m afraid I told her I loved her too, while I actually didn’t. I just wanted to have… fun. But then one day she started talking about getting married, and I just… freaked out. I told her the relationship was over and I fled home. When Kiyoi found out how hurt she was he told he to make it up with her or leave. I… slipped away that night. I ran off into the night, and I never saw him since.”

Aline didn’t know what to say for a moment. She felt sorry for the girl… but she felt sorry for Junai, as well. He had to flee from his home, because his brother couldn’t stand a girl being hurt… because he loved her himself.
“I’m sorry, Junai…” She started, but he interrupted her.
“Don’t be. Kiyoi was right; I should never have treated her like that. But it has been that long… so I wanted to, you know, talk to him, once more. He is my brother, after all, and I’ve missed him. But now I’m afraid… maybe he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.”
 “If that was so, why would he go through all the trouble to write you back?” Aline countered. She was sure Kiyoi would not let his brother down like that, and she was somewhere even convinced he would never have thrown Junai out in the first place. If Kiyoi was anything like his younger brother…

“Why don’t we open it together?” She proposed. Junai considered this for a while, and then nodded slightly. He grabbed the letter from the table again, and they walked to the couch. He slowly opened the letter, hesitating at some points, but always carrying on in the end. He took out a yellow piece of paper, with blue writing on it. The handwriting was really steady and curly, something she was not used to from Junai. Then, slowly, they read the letter together.

“Dear Junai,

It is so good to hear from you again. I have wondered so many times how you were doing, whether you would be okay, but there was no way for me to even start looking for you. So I kept faith that some day you would come back to me. Now I see that that will probably never happen, but I’m not sad to hear you have found a wonderful new life somewhere else.

Your fiancé (or should I say wife already?) sounds like a wonderful person. I am confident you two will lead a wonderful life together. I am so sorry I could not attend your wedding, or accept your invitation to come over some day. I am very busy with the forest, and with the ponies in the village. Everyone is doing well, even though old Jethre and Malie both died when the flu hit last winter. I’m afraid it was too much for them. I believe you knew both of them quite well, and I’m sorry to have to share this news with you.

I want you to know you are always welcome here. The door will always be open for you and for your new bride. If you ever want to visit, don’t hesitate. I’m so sorry I will not be able to visit you. Please, if you want, keep in touch. I would love to know how the wedding was, and how everything else is going.

Your brother,

Kiyoi”

When Aline looked up from the paper she saw the tears appear in Junai’s eyes. He was clearly touched by his brother’s letter.
“I had no idea… he would ever forgive me.” He whispered, while he re-read the letter once more.
“Of course he was. You’re his little brother, right? He loves you, I am sure, and I’m sure he’s been worried sick about you.” Junai simply smiled while he nervously tried to fold the letter and put it back in the envelope.
“Will you go visit him?” Aline asked when he was done, holding the envelope.
“I… I guess so. But not without you. Do you want to come with me?” Junai asked.

Aline hesitated. Of course she was curious, and she would love to meet Kiyoi, but a little voice inside her head told her that there was no way she could do such a thing without hurting Twinkle Star. What would she say when she found out Aline was on a visit to a person she once loved? Yet she knew she owed it to Junai to come with him.
 “I… of course I will come with you, if that is what you want. I… would like to meet your brother, as well.” She told him, even though she was sure she didn’t sound altogether convincing.

“Thank you…” Junai said with a surprisingly small voice. “Maybe I should have… I feel horrible about leaving him in the dark for so long. I should have gone to see him sooner, I should have…”
“Junai!” Aline interrupted her sobbing husband. “Blaming yourself won’t do any good! Kiyoi has already forgiven you, right? So why should you still be mad at yourself!” Aline paused, wondering why she was yelling at him.
 “Why don’t you sit down and write a letter to him? And we will go visit him as soon as we can. I’ll discuss it with the queen the next time I see her.”

Junai appeared to be in doubt, wondering if this was the right thing to do, even though Aline was convinced that it was. Yet in the end he looked up from the table and smiled at his wife.
 “I’m very lucky to have you, Aline. You have no idea.” “Thank you…” Aline said softly, and kissed her husband.