Doubts and sadness

The midday rays of the sun that the Ima river reflected made Twinkle Star close her eyes. Had the sun become that strong already? The river, though small, was really pretty, Twinkle Star realised. It was much cleaner than any river she had seen before. How could it be so clean anyway? It couldn’t be… right? Slowly Twinkle Star approached the river and put her hoof into the water, but nothing happened.

Of course nothing happened. This river wasn’t Fiume, the river with a soul. This was just an ordinary mountain river. Twinkle Star sighed while she got up again. She didn’t have time to think about an ordinary river, anyway. She had to find some herbs for Stelline. It wouldn’t take long before the baby would be born now. She hoped it wouldn’t, anyway.

Aline’s wedding had been ten days ago now, and Twinkle Star still hadn’t apologized for her behaviour. In fact, she hadn’t talked to her friend at all. Aline and Junai were away a lot, anyway. They had taken Aline’s parents to the new region that Aline would govern. Twinkle Star wasn’t even sure whether they had returned yet.

She spotted another small bush of herbs, and put them in her basket, that was getting quite full now. She really didn’t like this kind of work, but there was nobody else who could do it right now. Besides, she was even able to pick up some really pretty flowers for Câlin. To her surprise Câlin really enjoyed arranging flowers. Of course it was something she had to learn when she was young, too, but Twinkle Star had always loathed it, and she knew her sisters did so, too. But Câlin really enjoyed it, and Twinkle Star was glad Câlin had found at least something she really liked.

Now that her basket was almost full, Twinkle Star decided to head back to the castle. She was able to pick up some more herbs on her way, but she had to turn on the path towards the castle soon, which led her away from the river. As the castle came into her view, she could feel her entire body resisting upon returning there again. Not that she didn’t like the castle, and she didn’t dislike the ponies there either, but…

She just felt so removed from them, especially after the wedding. She had so many emotions she couldn’t even begin to understand. Every little event made the distance between her and the others larger. It was almost as if she felt her family was being selfish, thinking only of themselves. Why didn’t they chase after the one who had killed Illuvia, for example? The pony who had stolen the crown? Her family, her friends… Why were they going down a path where she knew she couldn’t follow them?

Surely she would one day be a threat to the Friendship Lands, or to anyone else. She killed Illuvia mercilessly, and she had wanted to abduct Câlin. Yet her mother had no intentions whatsoever to even investigate this matter. But someone had to do it, right? She couldn’t accept that someone who wouldn’t hesitate to kill was out there, having such a powerful tool as the crown that Illuvia had created, her eye on Câlin… She had to do something about it.

Twinkle Star had often wondered whether she should accept her mothers request to visit Madash again or not. She was looking forward to travel, there was no denying that. Besides, some time away from the castle, her family and friends, might do her some good. She’d have time to think things over. But there was still one thing that made her hesitate… she couldn’t leave Câlin. Yet she was unable to take her with her either. If she went, she really wanted to fly there, at least for a part of the journey. Câlin would never be able to keep up.

She had already reached the castle gates before she even realised she was getting close. She opened the door with her special key. Regina was planning on inserting special locks on the doors, only to be opened with the royal pendants. Yet Twinkle Star thought this was a bit troublesome, considering there was no way the upcoming family members would be able to get such a pendant, at least not until they figured out how it worked.

It was quiet in the gardens, but Twinkle Star soon spotted Câlin at almost the same place as where she had left her; in her own little part of the garden that Regina had given her, where Câlin was trying to grow her own flowers. As Twinkle star approached she noticed some purple flowers were already beginning to bloom. “Oh, Câlin, they look really nice!”
“They’ve grown.” The little girl replied shortly before she got up to greet Twinkle Star.
“I’ve brought you some flowers from the riverside. They’re different than the ones that grow here; I thought you would like them.” She got the yellow flowers from her basket and gave them to Câlin, who showed a rare smile on her face.
“Thank you. They’re gorgeous.”

“Will you join me for dinner inside, or do you want me to bring you some out here?” Twinkle Star asked.
“Hmmm…” Twinkle Star knew this meant she shouldn’t expect an answer any time soon. Câlin always thought things over very thoroughly.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me right away. How about I go bring these to Tsuyo first, and I’ll come back afterwards to see what you have decided?”
“Sure.” Câlin answered and without saying anything she returned to taking care of her little plants.

Twinkle Star continued to the castle, where she noticed the door was still open and one of the new maids was cleaning the corridor. Twinkle Star said hello to her and then continued towards the kitchen, where, as expected, she found Tsuyo preparing some food.
“Ah, Twinkle Star. Have you found the herbs?” Tsuyo asked as soon as she heard Twinkle Star enter.
“Yes, I did. I got  whole basket full of them. That should be enough, right?” Tsuyo laughed at Twinkle Star’s comment.
“More than enough. I should be able to dry them and get a good potion out of them which should relieve Stelline’s pain a bit, when the time is there. Too bad they didn’t grow any sooner, or I’d started earlier.”

“Is Stelline doing okay?” Twinkle Star asked.
“Yes, I guess. I checked on her this morning and she was doing fine, and Brae told me she was asleep when she checked an hour ago. So all is good. I expect it will still be a few days, though. She isn’t showing any real signs yet.”
“Oh. That’s good, I guess… I wish for her it would be over soon.” Tsuyo agreed with her. While Tsuyo continued to prepare her food, Twinkle Star grabbed two apples and decided to eat outside with Câlin anyway. She grabbed a few slices of bread and a jar of marmalade, put them in her empty basket and walked out of the kitchen.

In the corridor she ran in to her sister Ivy, who was on her way to the kitchen by the looks of things and the sound of her stomach.
“Hey, Ivy.” Twinkle Star greeted her sister.
“Hey, Twinkle Star. How is all with you?” Ivy asked, and Twinkle Star realised it had been quite a time since she had talked with Ivy.
“Doing fine. Going to picnic with Câlin. How about you?”
“Oh just… following my lessons. Apparently Aline is excused now that she’s married…” Twinkle Star blinked at her sister. She still had to follow lessons but Aline didn’t?
“That’s ridiculous.” 
"Isn’t it? I told mom about it, but she insisted on me continuing them.”

“Mom did?” Twinkle Star found it all really unfair. Why was Aline excused and Ivy not? Surely Ivy had been the better student of them both, even Aline had admitted that much. Twinkle Star couldn’t imagine Aline’s marriage being the only reason. “Yes… I don’t really know why either. She insisted without explaining why.”

“That’s just stupid. Listen, I was going to talk to her today anyway. I’ll see if I can find out why she feels like that, okay?” She proposed to Ivy, who agreed.
“Thanks, Twinkle Star. Well, I’m going to have lunch now too ,before I have to get back to my lessons.”
Ivy walked into the kitchen, and Twinkle Star heard her greet Tsuyo. Twinkle Star shrugged and went outside, where Câlin was happily surprised with the idea of a picnic in the meadows outside the castle.

When Twinkle Star had brought the leftovers from their picnic to the kitchen, she walked towards the throne room, where she suspected her mother would be. Câlin was back with her flowers now, and Twinkle Star was quite sure she would be there for a while. Twinkle Star had decided she wanted to discuss her possible trip to Madash with her mother once again. She loved to go there, but she had to find a good solution for Câlin, and she was sure her mother was able to help her think of something.

After listening by the door for a while, Twinkle Star was confident there was at least nobody visiting her mother. She knocked on the door, and heard her mother yell “enter”. Twinkle Star entered the throne room silently. She hadn’t been there since the wedding, and she was somewhat relieved to see everything was back to normal. “Ah, Twinkle Star.” Her mother said, not even trying to hide her surprise. She was reading some book on the throne, not wearing her cape or anything else that might make her look royal. She was definitely not expecting anyone.

“Hello, mother.” Twinkle Star greeted her mother while she closed the door.
“What brings you here on this fine day, my dear?” Regina asked kindly, while she closed her book and got off her throne.
“I wanted to discuss some things with you… if you have time to spare.”
 “Sure. What is it?” Regina asked as she sat down on one of the couches.
“It’s just… Do you remember you asking me whether I could visit Madash or not, a few weeks ago?” Twinkle star was sitting down now, too. “Of course. Have you come to a decision?”

“Yes… and no. I’d really like to go. Not just for you and the country, but I know it would do me well, too. It would be good for me to be out there again, on a journey. Think some things over.” Twinkle Star told her mother.
“I know. I think it would be good for you, too. So what is the problem?” Regina asked.
“Câlin.”
“I see…”
“I just don’t feel comfortable with leaving her alone yet. She’s been through so much, and she’s not over the death of her mother yet, not by far. And I don’t know whether it’s a good idea to bring her, either.”

Regina sighed, but did not respond immediately. She closed her eyes for a moment, as if deep in thought.
“Have you talked about it with her yet?” Regina asked at last.
“No, not yet, I didn’t want to upset her before I made a decision.”
“I don’t think you would upset her if you just asked her opinion. I think it would even make her feel good, to know she’s included in your decision. Just ask her whether she would mind if you were away for a few months. You never know how she might respond.”

“That’s true… Thanks, mother. I will discuss it with her later.” Twinkle Star smiled gratefully at her mother.
“Good. Also, I’ve been thinking of finding a tutor for Câlin… I noticed she never had any lessons at all, right? It would be good for her to learn how to read and write.” Regina proposed.
“Yes, you’re right. It would be good. I’d be really grateful if you could find a tutor for her. Talking about lessons…” Twinkle Star paused, wondering if it was actually up to her to bring up this topic. It didn’t have anything to do with her, after all. But, she decided, she felt her sister was being treated unfair for the wrong reasons, and she wasn’t able to stand up for herself.

“Why is Ivy still taking lessons, while Aline is excused? Isn’t it a bit unfair?” Regina sighed deeply.
“Twinkle Star, by her marriage I declared Aline ready for her role as steward. I can’t force someone who I just declared ready into lessons, right? And she wanted to take some time to show the country to her parents, I couldn’t…”

Regina was unable to finish her sentence as Tsuyo came bursting into the room. They both looked up, surprised. It wasn’t usual for a servant to enter without knocking, and Tsuyo looked as if she was out of breath.
“Excuse me, my Queen, Princess… But I came to fetch you. Princess Stelline will give birth soon… Her water has just broken.”