Regina’s new dream

“Câlin’s asleep?” The voice startled Twinkle Star as she emerged fro Câlin’s little room. Her sister Ivy was standing a little away from her, in the darkness of the night-time corridor.
“Yes, finally. She couldn’t stop telling me about how to arrange flowers, which she has been practising for two days now… ever since Tsuyo taught her. And there I was, thinking I never had to go through that boring stuff again.” In the darkness, Twinkle Star could see her sister smile.

“Mom asked for you.” Ivy said.
“Oh?” Twinkle Star was surprised. Her mother hadn’t asked for her in months; in fact, it had been ages since they had talked privately.
“Yes. She wanted you to visit her in the throne room tonight.”
“Of course… I will.” Twinkle Star had no idea why her mother wanted to see her, but she was glad her mother had asked for her.
“Thank you for telling me, Ivy.”
“No problem. Well… I better be going again. Another long day tomorrow…” Twinkle Star could hear the resentment in Ivy’s voice. “Another day of lessons, eh?”

Ever since Ivy and Aline were appointed to become the new stewards, they had received lessons and lectures about basically all they had to know, to prepare them for their job. Unfortunately for them, those lessons weren’t always very interesting. “Yeah… I wish it was over already, it’s so boring most of the time. Well… Good night, Twinkle Star.”
“Good night.”

Ivy walked on to her room, and Twinkle Star went down the stairs towards the throne room. Still wondering why her mother had called for her, she entered through the large doors and noticed her mother was sitting on one of the couches, reading a bit of parchment. When she noticed Twinkle Star, Regina quickly put her parchment aside and got of the couch.
“Hello, my dear. I assume you received the message I asked Ivy to give you?”
Twinkle Star nodded. “Yes, mother. She asked me to visit you.”

“I did…” Regina motioned Twinkle Star to sit down. “How is little Câlin doing? Is she learning to deal with the loss of her mother yet?”
“I’m afraid not… Though she has shown some interest in other things lately. Actually, she’s been out all day creating a gift for Aline. She did of course ask what her mother would think…”
“I guess that’s to be expected. She’s so young, and to lose your mother… It will take a lot more time to make her move on completely.” Regina interrupted her daughter. Twinkle Star didn’t reply; she knew her mother was right. Poor Câlin… How long would it take for her to live the life of a normal girl? Would she ever be able to?

“Twinkle Star…” Once again, Regina paused, as if unsure how to bring what she had to say, which made Twinkle Star feel pretty unsure. “I know… Câlin means a lot to you. I knew it from the very first time I saw you two together. Something binds you, even though I do not know what it is. As your mother… I tried to protect Câlin from the dark feelings everyone held against her. It was her mother after all who… took your sisters life, my daughters… Yet something told me I had to give Câlin a chance.

I feel I have been successful, at least inside the castle’s walls… I know there are still lots of ponies out there that don’t understand why I would offer her shelter… But I will simply not punish a little girl for the crimes of her mother.” Regina smiled at her daughter. Twinkle Star knew this; this was almost exactly what her mother had told her several months ago, but she was still pleased to hear her mother still thought the same about this.

“Yet Twinkle Star… There is one thing I still do not understand, and for a long time I wondered whether you would tell me yourself… but you never did. So I really want to ask you now… Why is Câlin here, Twinkle Star?”

The question took Twinkle Star by surprise. She thought her mother knew; she had explained Chifre’s request, and her mother had said she understood.
“But mother… Haven’t I told you already? Chifre asked me to… Because nobody else could raise her.”
“I know that is what you said. But Why would you care what happens to the daughter of your sister’s murderer? You knew she had been in Chifre’s care before. Illuvia had been here a long time alone before Chifre and the children showed up. I think if you had refused, Chifre would have taken Câlin back with her. But you accepted. Why is that? Why did you want to take care of Câlin?”

Twinkle Star hesitated. She had wondered this several times herself. Why had she taken this heavy burden upon her? Raising a child wasn’t something you did for a while, and Câlin was even more special and required even more attention.

“Because… I wanted to keep her safe. I don’t know why mother, I really don’t know, but I couldn’t leave her behind. There is something… I have to protect her mother. Maybe Chifre could take care of her… but only I can protect her.” Twinkle Star felt the tears form in her eyes. Only now she realised how strong these emotions had grown.
“Twinkle Star…” Regina got closer to her daughter and hugged her.
“I’m sorry, Twinkle Star… Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you this, but…”
“No, it’s okay mother.”

For a while, mother and daughter just sat on the couch, holding each other. Twinkle Star enjoyed the safety of her mothers embrace, and for the first time she realised how much she had missed it the last 16 years. At the same time, she realised this was what Câlin had to miss for the rest of her life. Twinkle Star felt she was unable to control her tears. They silently trickled down her cheeks and landed on her mother’s shoulder.
“Mo… mom…”
“You’ll always be my daughter, Twinkle Star… Please promise me you will never forget that.” “
I promise mother…And you’ll always be… my only mother.”

Only a moment later Regina let go of her daughter. Twinkle Star could see her mother had lost some tears as well. Regina smiled.
“I know. I promise you I will never forget that, either.”
“Thanks mom… for everything.” Twinkle Star wasn’t really sure why she was so grateful to her mother, but she felt as if her mother had completed her heart a little bit more once again.

“Well, Twinkle Star… there were some other things I wanted to discuss with you. They’re not really that important, so I completely understand if you don’t want to now, but…”
“Oh, mother, it’s fine.” Twinkle Star lied. “What is it?” She didn’t want her mother how she felt right now. She knew her mother could sense her feelings, but the realisation of her strong feelings towards Câlin.. She preferred to keep them to herself a little bit more.

“A lot of things are changing around here, Twinkle Star. You have noticed the changes in the castle; so many ponies living here now. Of course, in time, Aline and Junai will move out, and eventually Ivy will… Anyway, the country itself has expanded too. You may not have noticed it, but the last year our population has almost doubled in size. It’s getting harder and harder to rule this place… More and more like I thought being a queen would be like. Especially now that we are picking up relations with other countries.

I received a letter from Madash recently, questioning about your and Crystal’s safe return. They asked if our family will visit them this summer, but I’m afraid I don’t have time to do such a thing this year. We have to start building in the new area, and Stelline is expecting her baby…”
“You want me to go right?” Twinkle Star offered. Regina actually blushed.
“Well, no… I can’t ask that of you. You have Câlin… I won’t even ask it of you. All I would ask if you could help me think of a solution. I would really have someone go there… Their official alliance could mean a great deal to us, if only in matter of trades. They have a lot to offer which we don’t have access to.”
“Like sea weed food.” Twinkle Star grinned.
“Huh?” Her mother looked at her questionably.

“Never mind. I’ll come up with something. Was there anything else?” 
“No… not really. Just… I’m glad… to have you here with me, Twinkle Star.” Once again, Twinkle Star felt the same happiness, the happiness she hadn’t felt since her childhood days.
“Me too, mom… me too.”

The red sun barely touched the tops of the trees when twinkle Star sat down on the cold, wet stones of the castle walls. The chill of the morning wind made her skin shiver. It was the same sunrise as always, but yet so many things were different now. Tomorrow Aline would get married. Her mother would seal the marriage in the throne room. In fact, it was to be the first official wedding in this castle. Twinkle Star was sure Ivy was rather jealous about this; she really wanted that first wedding to be hers. Stelline was not going to be at the wedding. It was obvious the baby would come really, really soon now, and they simply didn’t want her to use her strength for something like the wedding.

Twinkle Star knew in her head nothing would actually change… Aline would still be Aline, married or not. But something in her heart made her feel worse about this than she should.

“Do you not want Lady Aline to get married?” The voice startled Twinkle Star so that she actually jumped up. Little Câlin stood next to her, gazing at her with her deep green eyes.
“Câlin! How come you’re up so early?”
“You were restless… I couldn’t sleep anymore.”
“Oh, Câlin…” Twinkle Star sighed. She knew Câlin could sometimes feel her emotions clearer than she could herself, but she didn’t knew it would affect her this much.

“Come sit here.” She motioned Câlin to sit next to her. When she was finally sitting, Twinkle Star tried to explain her feelings on the wedding, because she knew she couldn’t hide them from Câlin anyway.
“You see, I am really happy for Lady Aline that she will get married tomorrow. But. Sometimes I’m a little afraid Lady Aline won’t have that much time left to do fun things… with me, or others.” Twinkle Star could see the little girl was thinking this over, checking if it corresponded with what she thought and felt.

“So you are not jealous?” Câlin asked.
“What? No! Why should I be?”
“Because you love him also.”  Twinkle Star was completely taken by surprise. She, in love with Junai?  No. Not in the deepest waters of her soul could she find any kind of affection for him but a mild friendship. Surely Câlin must be mistaken this time. “I don’t, Câlin. I really don’t.”
“Then why do you want the same as Lady Aline?” 
“I don…”

She did not desire Junai. But Twinkle Star suddenly realised the one thing she had been trying to forget for so long. Junai was the brother of Twinkle star’s only love… Kiyoi. She didn’t still… right?
“You see?”  Câlin almost grinned because she was sure the expression on Twinkle Star’s face meant she was right. But Twinkle Star felt she had to disappoint the girl once more. She didn’t want anyone to know about her connection with Junai’s brother. In fact, not even Junai himself knew about her relationship with Kiyoi. And she didn’t want him to find out. It would complicate things unnecessarily.

“I’m sorry, Câlin. I don’t love Junai, and I wish him and Lady Aline the best of luck in the world. But maybe, sometimes… I wish I had love like theirs, too. That is all.” She hoped Câlin would buy it, but she didn’t respond. She felt she had to divert Câlin’s attention. Thinking about these things too much wasn’t good for little girls, and definitely not for her.
“Well, Câlin… shall we go and see whether the servants are up yet? Maybe they’ve made some more progress on your pretty gown.” As expected, the girl’s face lit up immediately.
“All right then, let’s go see what kind of pretty things they’ve made for you.”