Reconsidering

Aline… what would she be doing now? It wasn’t the first time that week that Twinkle Star wondered that. In fact, she had thought about it a lot of times. Yet, somehow, when she was outside in the sunlight, the question wasn’t nearly as threatening as it was now, in the darkness of the night. For six days Taishi had been home now. For six days, she had done hardly anything on her research in the old books. Not that it mattered that much. She would never find what she was looking for in there. She would not be able to help Togli, that was something she was convinced off more and more each day. She couldn’t find the answers she needed here, and she had no clue whatsoever about where else to look.

Yet, Aline… they would be expected home soon. In fact, they were already late. Fall was well on it’s way now, and it would be at least a month to get back home. If they wanted to get home before the first snow would fall, they had to leave soon. Even Crystal had asked her several times now when they would go home. She didn’t feel there was a reason to remain here, even though she liked Lenna and the other ponies.

But Twinkle Star couldn’t make up her mind. Sure, she wanted to go home. And yes, she knew it would be wise to leave now. But something was holding her back. Something was stopping her from packing her bags and leaving for home. Taishi’s story… she had talked quite a bit about it with him, and more and more she had gotten curious about this pony that looked so much like her. How could someone like that exist, without being related to her in any way? Moreover, they could hardly be refugees from the Old Friendship Lands. How could she not have known about another unicorn? The heir to the throne being a unicorn was already such a big deal because none had existed for so long. No, they couldn’t be from the Friendship Lands. But then who were they, and were did they come from?

Softly, Twinkle Star walked on through the soft sand of the beach. The sky was covered in a blanket of grey clouds, and a soft breeze urged her to move forward. Yet again, here she was, alone on this beach, staring out over the great blue ocean. Endless… like her thoughts were. What would she do? Go home, forget about everything she had heard, begin to live like a princess should? Or would she go and search for those ponies? And even if she would, she had no idea where to look. A forest in the west… right. There were so many forests in the west. She would never find them. The wisest thing was to go home and forget about it all.

But she couldn’t. She knew she couldn’t, and there was no point even considering it. Something about these two ponies had caught her interest, and she would be unable to let it go. To her, it felt so similar as the feeling the copper stone had given her. She had to find out. She simply had to.

“Hey, Twinkle Star.” Crystal’s voice came from behind her, carried on the soft wind. Twinkle Star stopped her endless wandering and turned around, to see her sister approach her.
“Hi, Crystal. What are you doing out here?”
“I just wanted to see how you were doing. You’re going out so much lately, it’s like we never talk anymore. Are you sure you are okay?” Crystal’s eyes showed concern for her.
“I… yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry. It’s just… I’ve got a lot of thinking to do. That’s why I am here.” “I know you do, Twinkle Star. You’ve been doing it for almost a week now. But I don’t feel it is helping you anything.” Twinkle Star stared at the uncountable pieces of sand beneath hr. Why did her sister have to say things like that? She knew it was true, but yet…

“Why don’t you tell me what is bothering you so much? I’m your sister. You can trust me, Twinkle Star. I want to help you.” Crystal said with a sweet voice.
“I… I know you are, Crystal, and I know you would help me with anything if you could. I just don’t think you would understand.” Twinkle Star told her sister.
“Why wouldn’t I? And even if I don’t, maybe it helps you to explain it to someone else. I know it helps me a lot, to explain things to others, it makes things clearer for me, as well.”
That was true. Twinkle Star felt some resistance to telling everything she had been wondering about to her sister, but somehow, it would also be a relief.
“I know. You’re right. It’s just so hard, because I hardly understand myself. Taishi’s story… it’s just been bothering me more than it should, Crystal. I’m not only wondering who those ponies could be. It’s not leaving me alone. I think about it every second of the day, I dream about it at night…”

Crystal did not seem surprised. She simply nodded. “I already thought so. Ever since Taishi told us that story, you have been acting so strange. Like you’ve almost forgotten where you are, why you are here, who the ponies are that support you. Do you know why, Twinkle Star?”
“No, of course not. If I knew why it bothered me so much, why I can’t let it go for even one second, it would all be much clearer. But it’s not like that, Crystal.”
“So what are you going to do about it? You can’t possibly go on like this. It’s not solving anything.” Crystal asked.
“What am I to do about it? There’s nothing I can do, Crystal! I can’t go on living like nothing has happened with me, like I never heard anything. Yet I can’t go looking for answers, as I have no idea where to look for them.”

Crystal did not answer for a while. They just stood next to each other, staring over the endless ocean. What was on the other side, neither of them knew. Ponies spoke of a great mist, out of which none had ever returned. The end of the world? Would it be like that with her, too? To go into the endless stream of life, only to discover there is no going back? Twinkle Star shook her head. She had to stop thinking things like that. It wouldn’t solve anything. “
What do you want to do, Twinkle Star?” Crystal asked suddenly. “Set all other things aside. What does your heart say? If anything were possible for you, what would you do?”
Twinkle Star couldn’t answer immediately. What would she do? It wasn’t that hard, yet to say something like that wasn’t easy. Was she really willing to leave everything behind to search for something she wasn’t even completely sure off that it existed?
“I’d go looking for those ponies.” She said at last, “I’d hunt down the entire continent to find them. Because somehow I feel like they have answers to questions that have been bothering me since I have been a child.”

“Then go, Twinkle Star.” Crystal said without looking at her. Twinkle Star was shocked by this announcement. How could she so freely say things like that?  It wasn’t so simple.
“But Crystal, I can’t. I don’t even know where to look!”
“Don’t you?” Crystal asked, still staring off into the ocean. “I think you should go, Twinkle Star. It pains me to see you like this, but somehow it feels like you’ve always been this way, too. And if you think these ponies can provide answers to things you have to know, I think you should go find them and demand those answers from them. I don’t know why a story like that bothers you so, nor do I know why you can’t get it out of your mind. But if that is the way things are, I don’t want to see you trying to live like you should, while you know there is so much more for you.”

“Crystal…” Twinkle Star whispered. Since when did her sister think like this? What had changed? Or maybe… had nothing changed at all, but had she simply been to ignorant to see it?
“But what about you, Crystal? What about mother and the others? They’re expecting us home soon. It’s getting winter. We should return, we…”
“Twinkle Star.” Crystal interrupted her older sister. She looked at Twinkle Star now, and Twinkle Star was shocked to see the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.
“In this, there is no ‘we’.” She continued. “I want you to go looking for those answers, but I can’t come with you. It is your destiny, something I have tried to understand for so long, but I have come to realise it is not something I will ever understand. I can’t help you on this, Twinkle Star. I will return home. I have been there longer than you have. I’ve got to known mother again, and I love Ivy and Fleur like I love you. It’s my home more than anything. It’s my destiny. You have your own.”

Twinkle Star could feel her own tears appear now as well. Was her sister abandoning her? Would she have to face this on her own, all alone? Sure, she had travelled alone before, but… she had gotten so used to having company. The first days with Aline had bothered her so much, but now, it was hard to imagine how she would face a journey on her own. Yet, a voice inside her told her it wouldn’t even be right for Crystal to accompany her. In the journey to Madash, the purpose had nothing to do with her. They were both interested in helping out Togli. Crystal had never come along for her, but because she wanted to help out, too. Twinkle Star realised that now. But this was so different. Twinkle Star would have to do this on her own, because she wouldn’t be able to help anyone but herself with it. If Crystal didn’t want to come along out of her own free will, Twinkle Star could not ask her to come along. It was her journey and hers alone.

“I understand, Crystal. I won’t ask you to come with me. Just… be careful, okay? It’s a long journey back home. Will you be okay?”
A smile appeared on Crystal’s face. “I definitely will be, Twinkle Star. Don’t worry about it.”
“Good. I’ll be okay, too. I just… have to follow my heart, I suppose.” Twinkle Star thought out loud. “When will you leave?” She asked her sister.
“I think tomorrow. I don’t want to delay any further, Twinkle Star. It’s getting deeper and deeper into fall. I want to be home before the winter sets in. Besides, they’re expecting us, aren’t they? I don’t want to make any of them worry about me. Or you, for that matter.”
“Will you tell them about where I went?” Twinkle Star asked, not sure if she wanted her family to know or not.
“If you want. I mean, I have to tell them something, to explain why you’re not with me. I guess… I’ll just tell them you had discovered something that you wanted to pursue. It’s the truth, right?” Crystal smiled.
“It is.” Twinkle Star smiled back.

“Will you leave tomorrow, too?” Crystal asked her sister, while they began to walk again.
“I guess I will. There’s no point in waiting, right, now that we have decided?”
“Right. I think it’s for the best. Even though… I don’t like parting ways. Promise me you will be careful and that you will return home as soon as you know what you wanted to know, right?”
“It’s a promise.” Twinkle Star said to her sister, while they began to climb the dune, to return to the castle. it was only a short walk, and when they entered the castle 10 minutes later, they were greeted by Lenna.
“Welcome back, you two! How was the beach?” She asked with a smile.
“Oh, it was great. I love it, it’s so refreshing.” Twinkle Star said.
“Listen, Lenna…” Crystal began, “We have decided on what we are going to do.”
“Oh?” Lenna asked, not really surprised but a little sad.
“We are leaving tomorrow. There is no point in us being here any longer. We can’t find the answers we’re looking for, and there is no clue on where we might find them, either. So we’re going home. We are really grateful for your hospitality and company, and we want you to know that you and your family always will be welcome in our country.”

Twinkle Star was grateful Crystal had not mentioned she was going somewhere else. She didn’t want them to know, either. It was best that nobody knew. They would only get concerned, and make her doubt her decision.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I enjoyed your company. Yet, I always knew you would return some day. I will make sure my cook will prepare some food you can take on your journey. Also, I hope you two want to join me for dinner one last time tonight.” Lenna said.
“Sure we will. We enjoyed being in your company too, Lenna. And we’re sad to leave, but it has to be done. Winter is coming, and we’re expected at home.” Crystal told the princess.
“I know. Don’t feel bad about it, Crystal. We all have to part ways, don’t we? It’s only natural. And I’m sure we’ll see each other again some day, right?”

Twinkle Star smiled. She was sure she would. Not only Lenna, but also crystal, Aline, her mother, her other sisters. She was going to be away from home longer than she had expected, but some things had to be done. She would return, hopefully knowing a little bit more about herself, about her family, about her country… she didn’t exactly know where she was going to or what she would find, but she would follow her heart, and she was sure it would guide her to the right direction.