A painful confession

Even though the moonlight lightened up the place, the rocky field was still very dark. It was surrounded by walls on 3 sides, only on their right wasn’t really a wall, it was more like a very slow down-going hill. Twinkle Star figured that there was a mountain there once, but it had been ruined by the violence of the erupting volcano, even though it was at the complete other side of the country. The earthquakes that it had caused was probably what had ruined this place. On their left side the wall of the mountain was quite far away and when Twinkle Star looked at the ground she couldn’t see the end, but when she looked into the sky, she could see the silhouette of the mountain faintly in the distance. Behind them was rock and mountain of course as there was the hallway of the unicorns, and in front of them she could see hills and mountains in the distance, too. While they walked through the field Twinkle Star noticed how hard it was to actually walk here without falling. The ground was very uneven and there were rocks, both small and large, everywhere. Twinkle Star figured this were remains of the ceiling of a large hall. Something must have made this place more vulnerable for earthquakes and made it collapse easier, and she couldn’t think of anything else but a large room deep in the rocks.
“Are you sure she’s here?” Aline asked after a few minutes, when they still hadn’t found a sign of Stelline.
“Oh yes, I’m sure. We’re getting closer, Aline.” Twinkle Star said softly and she signed Aline to keep her voice down.

Twinkle Star knew she was getting closer. She could feel Stelline’s powers clearly now and they were right in front of them. It wouldn’t take long before they could see her. Stelline’s powers… Maybe they were bigger than her own indeed, but they weren’t huge. There was nothing extraordinary about her royal powers, except of course the fact that Stelline had access to unicorn powers. She had been right al along. The pony that she had met a few nights ago hadn’t been Stelline. It simply couldn’t have been her. This pony had been twice, maybe thrice as strong as Stelline was. But this wasn’t much of a concern to Twinkle Star now. She had to find Stelline and she had to talk to her.

Aline and Twinkle Star walked on, trying not to make a sound, which was pretty hard considering the uneven ground they had to walk upon.
“So, I see you came back to me after all.” A voice suddenly said and Twinkle Star could feel Aline almost jump into the air.
 “Didn’t I tell you to leave?” Twinkle Star looked around her to see where the voice was coming from, and she saw her sister standing behind a very big rock which was almost a little hill itself. She could only see her sister’s face and a part of her neck, but there was no mistake.
“Stelline! I… Please, I need to talk to you. There are some things you don’t understand and I want to explain them to you!” Twinkle Star said desperately. She didn’t want her sister to yell at her again, she just wanted to talk to her.

Twinkle Star saw Stelline appear from behind the rock and walking towards her and Aline.
“I really don’t think there is much left to talk about for us, Twinkle Star. I know what you want from me and you know I’m never going to do it. Face it, Twinkle Star. Times have changed. The old lands have perished and the old rules and traditions have perished with them. I am no longer Regina’s heir.” Stelline said with a cold voice.
She obviously wasn’t happy to see Twinkle Star again.
“But you are her daughter!” Twinkle Star said, a little bit harder than she had meant to and she felt Aline getting scared again. Stelline, too, was a little surprised by what Twinkle Star said.
“So?” She said, “What do you mean by that?”
Stelline walked towards Twinkle Star and stopped very close in front of her. Twinkle Star could clearly see Stelline’s eyes now. They were sad, and somehow they looked very lonely, as if they had to hide something which they couldn’t share with anyone and thus were all alone in this world. Like the brightest star in the night that couldn’t allow himself to shine out of fear that the others might get angry at it because it was just… who it was.

“I never came here to find my own destiny, Stelline.” Twinkle Star began with a trembling voice. “Nor did I come here to find my mother’s heir. I came here to find my oldest sister Stelline, because I care for her and I wanted to know if she was okay.”
Stelline looked at her in surprise. “Well, she is fine. You can go now.” She said, and she wanted to turn around.
“No she’s not fine! I can see it in your eyes, Stelline. You’re not okay and I want to know why. I want to help you!”
Stelline stopped moving and sighed. “Look, Twinkle Star. It is not your business how I feel, or whether I am fine or not. You can’t help me. Please, just go away, and leave me alone.” With that, Stelline resumed walking. “
But what about mother?” Twinkle Star yelled.
She could feel tears in her eyes. She knew it, she could see it, but why didn’t Stelline admit it? Why had she closed herself, shut herself away from the rest of the world?
 “Mother doesn’t need me, Twinkle Star. She has been fine without me all those years. She can go on perfectly well without me.”
“No, she can’t! She loves you, Stelline and she is missing you! She always has! Don’t you miss her too? Don’t you miss us?” Twinkle Star said while she was crying. She couldn’t fight it anymore. To see her strong sister like this…

“Of course I missed you, of course I miss mother!” Stelline said.
Twinkle Star couldn’t see her face but she could hear in her voice she was upset, too. Not angry or mad, only sad and alone.
“Then come with me Stelline! Not for the kingdom but for me, for us, for mother!” Twinkle Star yelled desperately.
“I can’t Twinkle Star. Too much has happened, too much has changed since the last time we met.” Stelline said, still sad, still… so alone.
“I know Stelline, but what is there that we cannot overcome? Who knows, maybe we’ll find Joker somewhere out there too, and we’ll be…”
“You won’t find Joker out there!” Stelline interrupted Twinkle Star, with a surprisingly angry voice.
“Who knows, Stelline.” Twinkle Star tried. “I mean, I never thought I would find you and you are here, too!”
“You won’t find her because… because Joker is dead.” Stelline said. Her voice was cold now, emotionless.
“How do you know? Just because you never met her doesn’t…”
“I know because I saw her die, Twinkle! She died because of me! I couldn’t save her! I killed her, Twinkle Star!” Stelline yelled while she walked towards her sister again, without looking at her.

For a while Twinkle Star wasn’t able to say anything. All she could do was listen to Stelline’s sobbing and Aline’s loud breathing. Somehow these sounds were soothing, as if they confirmed that what Twinkle Star heard was real and she wasn’t going mad. Stelline… killed her sister Joker? No, no, that couldn’t be. Something like that… Steline would never take anyone’s life on purpose, Twinkle Star was sure of it. Maybe she didn’t like Stelline so much, but she knew she would never hurt anyone on purpose. It wasn’t like that, Twinkle Star was sure of it.
 “Stelline…” She said softly after a while.
“Y… you see, Twinkle… I… I can never go back to mother. May… maybe you should go too. Please, just…” Stelline sobbed.
“No.” Twinkle Star said firmly. She saw Stelline looking at her.
“I won’t leave you, Stelline.” Twinkle Star continued.
“But I… didn’t you hear what I said? Joker died because of me… How can you not leave me? How can you still be here? Your sister died because of me, Twinkle Star!”
“Because I don’t believe you killed her, Stelline. Please… tell me what happened. I’m your sister and I care about you, no matter what you do or what happened to you. All I want to know is the truth so I can make up my own mind about this.” Twinkle Star said.
Somehow she felt really strong now. She knew her sister needed her and she truly believed in what she had just said. She really wanted to know the truth about what happened so she could see for herself what happened and what Stelline said was true. She knew Stelline hadn’t killed Joker, but what really happened… Twinkle Star just wanted to know, had to know.

“What happened… I really rather don’t talk about it, Twinkle.” Stelline said, still crying.
“I know, Stelline. You never talked about it to anyone, right? But… I don’t know, maybe you should. It’s ok to share your pain with others, with me. That’s what I am here for.” Twinkle Star said with a soft voice.
For a while Stelline didn’t say anything. She just sat there, not moving. It took a while for her to be able to start talking.
“I… Joker and I… we both left the castle together.” She began all of a sudden, with a weird voice. Twinkle Star couldn’t really figure out wether her voice was sad, or angry, or maybe… completely emotionless.
“Medina ordered us to warn all the ponies we could before we would leave the Friendship Lands, before there was no time left. So we… we set out and warned as many as we could, send them to the passage of Datin. We had to leave after a few hours, even though we knew there were still ponies out there… but we would never be able to reach them in time. The lava was closing in around us and… and we had to run for it. We were going to make it without much trouble we thought, but then suddenly Joker stopped. I asked why and she said she heard something, someone crying. When we looked behind us we saw a little girl crying on the first floor of a small farmer’s house. The lava was closing in on her and even for us the heat was getting unbearable. Joker wanted to go back to save the child. I didn’t want to, I knew we were never going to make it and we had the other ponies to look after, but Joker insisted and she ran back.”
Steline stopped talking for a while. Twinkle star noticed her voice, she recognised the pain Stelline had with telling this story. A little child, caught up in the fire, the lava, the heat… Twinkle Star knew that situation, she knew the memories. She knew what it must have felt like. A little girl even she wasn’t able to safe… Twinkle star felt her heart aching. It was odd to think of this, to relive the pain of that moment in a place like this, this place that was ruined by this very same event. And still everything was so calm and so quiet, the stars were so calm, there was no wind, no rain…

“So Joker went back…” Stelline continued, while she was still standing in front of Twinkle Star, looking at the ground.
“She went back to safe this child. She yelled at me to take the others away to the passage of Datin as it wasn’t much further away, she would be fine, she said. She could caught up with me before I would reach the passage. So I did as she told. I led the ponies to the passage of Datin. But after five minutes I got the feeling something was horribly wrong. Joker still wasn’t back and you remember Joker, she could run fast, she could go much faster than I could, especially with all those ponies I had to lead. We didn’t go fast at all, she should have caught up with us by now. So I told the ponies to make for the passage as fast as they could. I told one of the older ponies to lead them there, and I would be with them as soon as I could. I went back. Everything was on fire and I couldn’t recognise anything anymore. The lava was coming closer fast and I feared the worst already when I suddenly heard Joker scream my name. She sat on a small hill alone and the little hill was almost completely surrounded by lava and was melting itself, but there was a small path still. The lava hadn’t closed in around her completely. I told her to make for it, to run for it. I thought she could make it, Twinkle Star. Really, I did. She could run fast, right? She could have made it…”
Twinkle Star didn’t know what to say, but she knew that even if she did know, it wouldn’t come out right anyway. Something like this…
“I thought she could have made it, Twinkle, I really did! I didn’t mean to send her in the lava like that, but I did, I did!”Stelline yelled. Her voice was so painful now, so hurt, so full of shame and guilt. “She took the small path but she couldn’t make it. Suddenly the lava began to close in around her with a high speed. She tried to turn back to the hill, but she couldn’t. She was completely caught up in it. I’ll never forget it, Twinkle. Her screams of pain, to hear her screaming my name, screaming help me, seeing her falling down in the lava in the end, seeing her body disappear… It is in my very soul, Twinkle Star. You see why I can’t go with you to visit mother? She died because of me, Twinkle Star! I couldn’t save her! I was too weak! I had to run to save my own life. I somehow reached the passage of Datin, I don’t even remember how, but I felt I had to go there, to help the other ponies. But there was no one there either. The ponies I left… I never saw them again. All of them, all of them…”