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The truth in my heart and the shadow in my
eyes
There was a full moon that night. Twinkle
Star was sitting in her bedroom, but she was unable to sleep. She
couldn’t stop thinking of what had happened that evening. Of everything
Kiyoi said. The nice warm feeling crept back to her. Kiyoi had been so
nice to her that evening. He had cooked her the most delicious dinner,
he gave her a blanket when she had been cold. They had hugged, and
kissed. She liked him so much. Could this really be true? Could she
really stay here? Spend her life with this wonderful guy, never to worry
about kingdoms, queens and all that? Could that really be happening
right now? She had never been able to live like this. Not even in the
days when she didn’t know if anyone had survived. She just wanted to
live for herself. She wanted to be happy because her life was fun,
because she wanted to enjoy the ponies around her, the things that
happened… But she had never been able to feel that way. But the feelings
she had this evening… They were really there. For the first time in her
life she could really enjoy the feelings she had. She noticed her
reflection in the window. Her royal pendant was shining in the light of
the candles. “It is fading…” she whispered. It wasn’t as bright as it
used to be. Her pendant used to be very bright, because she possessed a
lot of the powers inherited in her family. Every pony born in their
country got a pendant, which they were supposed to wear all the time.
The normal ponies got a pendant that showed they belonged to their
country. These pendants were all the same and they didn’t have any
difference in brightness. But members of the royal house got a special
pendant. It was shaped like a crown and it held some magical powers. If
you were the firstborn to the queen the pendant was usually red or
orange and was shining; in fact, some were known to shine even in the
night without sun or moonlight. Usually, the more powers you had the
brighter your pendant was. This was why Twinkle Star’s pendant was so
bright; she had so much powers she could let her pendant shine. Hers was
brighter than her sister’s Jokers pendant was. Maybe, long ago, it had
even been brighter than Stelline’s… But not anymore. It was just a
normal pendant now. It had been fading a lot, especially the last few
days. Ever since her feelings toward Kiyoi had grown stronger and
stronger… “This doesn’t belong with me anymore.” She said to herself.
She took off her pendant and put it on the second bed. “I’m sorry… I
have made my decision. I can’t go back living like they want me to. I
really like Kiyoi and this place. I am staying here.”
“Good morning!” “Hey! Good morning, pretty!
You had a good night? You’re up late!” Kiyoi gave her a little kiss on
her cheek when she got off the stairs. “Am I?” Twinkle Star hadn’t
noticed it was late already, because she had slept so well that night.
She had had a wonderful dream. It was almost like a part of her future
with Kiyoi. She couldn’t really remember what it was about, but she woke
up with such a good feeling it took her very long to get up, because she
didn’t want to lose it. “Yes you are! It’s almost noon, pretty. How
about I make you a nice brunch? I could make you some fried eggs, I got
them in the village yesterday.” “Ehh… I’m sorry Kiyoi, I am not so
hungry.” Kiyoi stared at her. “Are you ok?” “Yes, I’m fine. I’m just not
so hungry, that’s all.” “Oh… Well, I know something to make you hungry
enough, then! I have to go in the forest today. You wanna come? I’m sure
the forest likes you a lot more now that you are with me, and we’re
gonna do a lot of hard work so you’ll get hungry all right!!” Twinkle
Star agreed. Although the forest didn’t really attract her that much,
she liked to do something
After Kiyoi had prepared two bags, they
went into the forest. It was a nice, sunny day. The forest did look a
lot more appealing to Twinkle Star. The sun was shining through the
leaves and the forest smelled very nice. It was as if she was walking in
a completely different forest than the one she had been lost in a few
days ago. The feeling she had when she woke up was coming back to her.
She felt so nice and safe, with Kiyoi in a place like this. “Hey Hishi…”
Kiyoi asked. He was walking in front of her on a very narrow path.
“Yah?” “Where is your pendant?” “Oh… I didn’t feel like wearing it
today.” “I see. Where did you get it actually? Pendants like that are
pretty rare.” Kiyoi asked her. Why was he so curious about it? It kind
of bothered Twinkle Star. He shouldn’t be asking things like this. “Ohh…
nowhere. I got it because I was born in some country. But I don’t
remember anything about it. I just think it is pretty.” Kiyoi didn’t
answer. Was he satisfied with her answer? She didn’t like to lie to him.
He cared so much for her and still he didn’t know anything about her,
and most of the things he did knew weren’t even true. Why couldn’t she
just tell him the truth? “Where are we going on the forest?” she asked
him, to get her mind off things. “To the river. There are some herbs and
weeds there that some ponies in the village are looking for. I give them
to them and I get medicines and food in return.” It didn’t take long
before Twinkle Star smelled the river. It was very close now. It smelled
even more pure here in the forest than it did where Kiyoi lived. “We’re
close now.” She heard Kiyoi say. It didn’t take long before Twinkle Star
saw the sun shining in the water. It was a very beautiful view. On the
other bank the trees grew almost in the river, but on the bank Twinkle
Star and Kiyoi where there were some rocks, sand, and small bushes.
“Wow. This is a very pretty place!” She said. “It is, isn’t it? When I
was a teenager I used to come here a lot with my brother.. My brother
and I, we build small boats and a tree house in that big tree over
there. We are the ones that discovered the herbs here.” Kiyoi looked
around her. She could see why this was a great place to build stuff.
There where enough branches to take wood “This river… Kiyoi, what is
it’s name actually?” “I don’t think it has a name. In fact, this river
hasn’t been flowing through this forest for such a long time.” “What do
you mean?” “It happened 16 years ago. It was a bright spring day, very
much like this one actually. Anyway, suddenly water appeared in the
forest. I don’t remember much of it, but I do remember how dark the
water was. Almost pure black. It wasn’t a river first, more like a flow
of water. We didn’t know what it was. Everything was flooded, not only
the forest but the village also, our house, everything. But the water
became less after a while, and it became this river. Now everyone is
used to it and the water is very clean. I am sure the forest is
purifying it, but I don’t know if it is just as black as it used to be
when it enters the forest. I don’t visit that place often. Anyway, this
river helped us out greatly. There are lots and lots of new animals in
this forest now, and the village is doing better than ever.”
Kiyoi’s words were twirling in Twinkle
Star’s head. 16 years ago, a lot of black water, purified… Flashes of
memories appeared before her eyes while she looked at the river. She was
laughing, while two girls were playing in the water in the summer sun.
It was a very hot day. There weren’t trees at the other side of the
river, but fields filled with flowers. There were a few cute houses here
and there. There was a woman with a baby standing next to her, she was
watching the two girls in the water. She was smiling as well. Not too
close to the water, she heard someone saying. The scene was fading. The
summer sun faded into a pale winter sun. There was snow. The river was
frozen. One of the girl ponies from the first scene was walking on the
ice, but she slipped and fell. The woman was worried and yelled that the
girl pony should come off the ice. The woman had a big belly now. Was
she expecting a baby pony? She noticed the baby from before was a little
girl now, walking next to the woman.
“Hishi? Hey pretty, you ok?” She heard
someone asking, far away. The scene was fading again. Tree’s appeared,
but the river remained the same. She noticed someone. “Kiyoi…” She
whispered. “Hey, pretty, take it easy ok! Sit down. What happened? It
was as if you were in a trance, or something…” The river… why was it
still there? Everything else had returned to normal. But what if…
“Fiume…” “What?” “Kiyoi, this river… No, I’m sorry. I don’t feel very
well. Maybe… could we go home soon? I am sorry, but I… I want to lie
down a bit.” “I understand. Wait here, I will get the herbs and then
we’ll go home, ok?”
“Are you sure you are ok, pretty?” “Yes, I
am fine I told you! You go on now! They are waiting for those herbs. If
you wait too long they’ll be rotten and they can’t use them anymore. I
am fine, I can take care of myself for a while!” “But Hishi…” “Really
Kiyoi! Just go! I am feeling much better now, after I had that nap.”
“Okay, but I will be back as soon as possible, ok? I don’t like to leave
you alone, ill or not!” Twinkle Star smiled. “you’re so sweet. But I can
take care of myself for 2 hours. Well, I’ll see you in a few hours
then!” Kiyoi gave her a small kiss and left the house. After they came
back from the forest, Twinkle Star had slept for a few hours while Kiyoi
had been watching her. After she woke up Kiyoi told her he wouldn’t go
to the village that evening, because he wanted to watch over her, but
she had forced him to go. Not only because she felt so much better and
she didn’t want him to break his promise, but also because she wanted to
be alone for a while.
Twenty minutes after Kiyoi had left,
Twinkle Star also left the house. She took the path at the right side of
the square that led to the river and, eventually, to the village. She
walked next to the river for a while and then stopped when she was on
the bridge where she and Kiyoi had their close moment, the evening
before. It was earlier in the evening than it was when she was here the
last time. The sun wasn’t setting yet but the sky was becoming more red
now.
“Fiume… So, you survived, didn’t you Fiume?
You left the country like we all did, but you are here now. I know it is
you. You let me have those memories, didn’t you? You wanted me to
remember.” Twinkle Star stared at the water. It was still flowing
gently, and though this surprised her a little she didn’t expect it to
do anything else, either. “Fiume… I remember the stories mom told about
you. A purifying river, right? They said you were born from a guardian
to give birth to green lands. And even though you left us, you still
purify evil and dirt. And they think it’s that forest… I never expected
to see you again, Fiume.” Twinkle Star walked of the bridge. She stood
at the river’s bank now. It was hard for her. This river’s origin was
far away in the mountains that were once the borders of the Friendship
Lands. It used to flow trough the Friendship lands, and then to the sea.
But even the river found itself another place to live, to go on, to keep
on flowing.
Slowly Twinkle Star raised her hoof and
touched the water. She didn’t expect what was happening. The water was
as an electric shock. It was rejecting her. “Heh. I see. You don’t agree
with me anymore, do you, Fiume? You think I made the wrong decision,
choosing for Kiyoi. You accept him for what he is, because he belongs
here, but you think I belong with my mother, my family, in the new
lands. Am I right?” To Twinkle Star it was as if the silence alone was
the answer to her question. She galloped back to the house, and in five
minutes she was back by the river, with her pendant this time. She let
the pendant float on the river for a while, and then took it out of the
water. It was shining brightly again. This was confirmation enough for
her. Not only was the river indeed the river of Fiume, that once flowed
trough the lands where Twinkle Star was born, it also didn’t agree with
her decision to stay here, with Fiume. She had put her the pendant back
where it belonged now; its golden necklace was hanging around her neck
now. It was shining in the light of the setting un. Once again she
touched the river with the tip of her hoof, but she didn’t get rejected
this time. “Twinkle Star… What does your heart say?” a voice in
her head said. Fiume… “Look in your heart Twinkle Star. You will not
find what you are looking for here. You know what you are not, and what
is not your destiny. But don’t give up now. Look for your destiny, don’t
run and hind from it.” The voice in her head disappeared. She pulled
her hoof out of the water, but when she put it in again the voice didn’t
reappear. Was she just imagining things? Or was it really Fiume?
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